No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
by Ruan Chun Xian
Summary: Er Kang's prison break plan didn't work as well as they'd hoped. Things change when Yong Qi became trapped in the palace and never joined them on the escape after setting Han Xiang free.
1. Love is not love

**No Good Deed Goes Unpunished **

**(Alternative Title/Very-Nearly-Real-Title: _Murphy's Law_)  
**

* * *

_Er Kang's prison break plan didn't work as well as they'd hoped. Things change when Yong Qi became trapped in the palace and never joined them on the escape after setting Han Xiang free. _

* * *

**Chapter 1: Love is not love...  
**

It turned out, Er Kang's plan didn't work as well as he and Yong Qi both hoped.

It wasn't Hu Tai yi's fault. The physician had been cooperative enough, playing along with the charade and declaring Yong Qi to be too ill to remain in the cold prison cell. Thus he had been taken out and returned to Jing Yang Gong, where Hu Tai yi further helped by providing all sorts of instruction for rest and quiet and a list of medicine that Yong Qi had no intention of drinking.

It would have been fine, if Huang Shang hadn't called Hu Tai yi in and asked what was wrong with Yong Qi.

Neither Hu Tai yi nor Yong Qi should really have been surprised he did, as after all, his son supposed to be deathly sick. (In retrospect, Yong Qi thought maybe he had overacted a bit which was the fatal flaw in the plan.) The Emperor's intention had been a sincere worry for Yong Qi's health, it was only until Hu Tai yi failed to provide specific answers that he grew suspicious.

"Is he really sick?" he demanded finally of the physician kneeling in front of him, who trembled at the threat of the consequences of lying to a monarch hidden behind the question.

Then, Hu Tai yi had no choice but to speak the truth.

* * *

When Ling Fei and Qing Er came in to rescue Er Kang from prison, she merely said quickly that it was currently impossible for Yong Qi to leave the palace, and pressed a letter into his hands, assuring him that Yong Qi was unharmed and that there was no time to speak, but the letter would explain.

Er Kang was too agitated while waiting for Zi Wei and Xiao Yan Zi to be rescued that he didn't think he could focus on whatever news the letter held yet, so he kept it for later. It was only until Xiao Deng Zi approached his carriage and told him that the mission to rescue Zi Wei and Xiao Yan Zi had failed as well that he allowed the despair of being sure of the fates of none of them crash around him.

He alone was out of captivity, and somehow he alone would have to save them all.

He didn't think he was even capable of this.

When his carriage took him to his hidding place, he was both relieved and grateful to find Liu Qing and Liu Hong waiting for him. They had shown up at his house and his father had sent them here to meet him.

At least, now he wouldn't be all alone.

It was only then that he finally opened the letter Ling Fei gave him and shared it with them.

It wasn't a letter from Yong Qi as he'd hoped, but from Ling Fei herself. She wrote that Huang Shang had found out that Yong Qi was faking being sick and had therefore held him in practically house arrest in Jing Yang Gong, with assigned guards at the gates so that he couldn't escape as planned. As it was, he was allowed no contact with anyone outside of Jing Yang Gong at all and even Ling Fei and Qing Er couldn't find a way to get a message in or out of Jing Yang Gong.

It seemed as if Er Kang, Liu Qing and Liu Hong would have to rescue Zi Wei and Xiao Yan Zi on their own, and if in a few days, Yong Qi still could not join them, whatever escape they had to make would have to be without Yong Qi.

Er Kang wondered how he was supposed to break this news to Xiao Yan Zi.

He wondered how Yong Qi must be feeling now, alive, and surely no physical harm would befall him, but trapped. Even if Er Kang managed to save Xiao Yan Zi, would Ling Fei be able to tell Yong Qi the news at all, or would he have to live with the fear that Xiao Yan Zi might be dead?

He definitely wouldn't be able to endure it in Yong Qi's place.

* * *

A gasp from Zi Wei made Xiao Yan Zi follow her line of sight and saw that hidden in the crowd were Er Kang, Liu Qing and Liu Hong. For a moment, she breathed a sigh of relief. Yes, her friends would rescue her, she would not die.

Then almost as fast as this realisation came, the sickening question dropped down on her.

Where was Yong Qi?

Didn't Er Kang say the day they met with Zi Wei's aunt and uncle that Yong Qi had gotten out of prison? Why wasn't he with Er Kang and the others?

She met Zi Wei's eyes and knew that she was wondering the same thing. She let the cold dread spread throughout her body, ominous and malicious, and thought death right now felt nicer than the possibility that something might have happened to Yong Qi. There was no other reason for why he wouldn't be there with them.

* * *

She was free and she was alive, but Xiao Yan Zi would not allow herself the feeling of relief yet.

"Where's Yong Qi?" she demanded as soon as the carriage started moving, all seven of them – Xiao Yan Zi, Zi Wei, Er Kang, Liu Qing, Liu Hong, Meng Dan and Xiao Jian – crammed inside.

Slowly Er Kang explained the situation, how Yong Qi couldn't make it out and that as soon as Huang Shang found out from Hu Tai yi that Yong Qi was faking illness, the guard on Jing Yang Gong had been impenetrable. There was very little hope that he could join them and they would have to face the possibility of going on without him.

This possibility became a certainly a couple of days later, after they had rescued Jin Suo, and Er Kang's parents visited them at the farm house where they were staying, waiting for the coast to clear, for any more news.

"Huang Shang is very angry, understandably so," Fu Lun told Er Kang. "After you rescued Zi Wei and Xiao Yan Zi, he increased the guards at Jing Yang Gong even more and even Xiao Shun Zi and Xiao Gui Zi, who Ling Fei was hoping could help with communicating with Yong Qi, had been temporarily assigned so all the people in Jing Yang Gong right now is Huang Shang's people. Ling Fei hasn't even managed to get the news in to him yet that Xiao Yan Zi has been rescued."

"He must be dying in there," Er Kang exclaimed in frustration.

"Yes, but at least Huang Shang would not do anything to him. He is still Huang Shang's son, after all, and even if Huang Shang was angry enough, Lao Fo Ye would not allow it."

"Small comforts."

"You must leave, go far away, don't be caught," his father urged.

"No!" Er Kang nearly shouted. "How could we leave without Yong Qi?"

"How could you not? Wu Ah Ge has no chance of getting out anytime soon. If you stay here, you might be hidden for one, two days, or even a couple of months, but eventually you will be found! Go, leave! If Heaven is willing, you will all meet again one day!"

"Would you help me persuade Xiao Yan Zi of that?" Er Kang retorted.

Xiao Yan Zi had been walking around in a constant haze of gloom for the past couple of days, and it was most unlike her, but none of them could cheer her up (none of them really tried, knowing it was hopeless; only Xiao Jian didn't seem to think anything was horribly wrong).

Fu Lun did speak to Xiao Yan Zi after that, and assured her that Yong Qi was fine.

"How do you know that? If no one could get in to see him or he can get out, how do you know?"

"He is Huang Shang' son," Fu Lun insisted, "he will be fine. It's not his life you need to worry about now. You must all go. Just tell me of your general direction and destination, I will make sure that he knows how to find you as soon as possible."

* * *

Meng Dan and Han Xiang's wedding was a quiet affair, especially when Xiao Yan Zi, who would have been the one to liven it up despite the circumstances, was rather subdued, even if it was her idea.

After that they came up with a plan to leave and the route they would take. Well, the more correct thing to say would be Xiao Jian came up with a plan, and Er Kang would have contributed, if he wasn't so occupied with trying to think of a way to break Yong Qi out of his gilded prison.

His original prison break plan definitely wasn't as clever as he thought. Enduring the cold prison was a better option after all. It was one thing to get Han Xiang out when they were all inside to help her. Now that they were all out here and their allies on the inside had no way to communicating with Yong Qi, the idea of getting him out was nigh impossible. No doubt all the guards at the palace gates have been instructed to double and triple check exits and entries as well.

Xiao Yan Zi was most reluctant to leave. After a few days, Er Kang also had to most reluctantly conclude that his father was right, and Yong Qi would not get out any time soon. It was only the combined efforts from him and Zi Wei that got Xiao Yan Zi persuaded to move and not camp here and wait for Yong Qi indefinitely.

"I'm worried about Xiao Yan Zi," Zi Wei confessed to him the day before they were due to leave. "Let's not delude ourselves, leaving now like this does mean that we might never see Yong Qi again and I think Xiao Yan Zi knows that."

Er Kang didn't want to answer, because he didn't want to admit what Zi Wei said was true. They were leaving as fugitives and with no plan of coming back to Beijing. There was no guarantee of how long it will be before Huang Shang released Yong Qi, and who knew what might happen even then? Even if Yong Qi would be free to go after them, there was no guarantee that they would find each other either, even if they did keep his father informed of their destination. Constant communication with home while on the run was too dangerous and counter-productive. Yong Qi would have only the barest hints to work off of when he was finally free and who knew where they'd be then?

He never thought Xiao Yan Zi's moods could affect him like this, but her misery over the past few days had taken a toll on him. It was a constant reminder of where Yong Qi was and how separate they all were from him. He always knew that Xiao Yan Zi did love Yong Qi, but he didn't think the loss of him would reduce her normal bubbly self to this. It was painful to see and he hated it.

"We can't stay here either," Er Kang said after a long silence. "It's too dangerous."

"I know."

Zi Wei was quiet for a while, before speaking again.

"I think Xiao Jian is trying to cheer Xiao Yan Zi up."

"How's that working out?"

"Pretty badly. But do you think that he – "

"He what?"

"Do you think that he might like Xiao Yan Zi?"

"What?"

"Well, it's just that he pays a lot of attention to Xiao Yan Zi and doesn't seem too upset that Yong Qi isn't here."

"You think he's trying to exploit the situation with Xiao Yan Zi?"

"I don't know, maybe? I mean, he's being very attentive to her and making no secret of it. She's just too miserable to notice what's really under the attention."

"Do you think she – "

"No! She's still upset over Yong Qi after all. But I just wonder about the future."

"The future of maybe not seeing Yong Qi again for a very long time?"

"Yes."

Er Kang thought a moment, then said, "I think that as long as there's hope of Yong Qi joining us, Xiao Yan Zi would still hold onto that hope."

"I hope you are right."

* * *

They all walked back to the house after saying goodbye to Han Xiang and Meng Dan, who would go their own way.

Xiao Yan Zi didn't feel like going back right away, simply because they were only returning to pack their own belongings and it was only a painful reminder of who she would be leaving without. So she ran off into an orchard ahead, leaving the others behind.

She could hear Xiao Jian's voice behind her and knew he had gone after her, but she didn't want him there. She ran off to be alone, not for him to follow her. If there was to be anyone to follow her, she wished it wasn't Xiao Jian.

The absence made her feel hollow inside and no one could make her feel better, so she wished Xiao Jian wouldn't try. The fact that he tried so hard only reminded her of the pain she wanted to forget.

She knew he meant well, but she just wished he would stop. He seemed to think he was capable of fixing everything that went wrong in her life, whether she wanted it or not. No, there was only one person capable of curing her every hurt and pain and that person was definitely not Xiao Jian.

She wished she could just tell him that. But even she wasn't insensitive enough to wait for the disappointment that would surely break on his face if she ever did.

She wished, therefore, that he would take a hint.

But apparently she wasn't very good at hinting because he still followed her.

She ran until she was exhausted and collapsed at the base of a persimmon tree. She sat and stared up at the leaves and fruits above her and didn't even turn when Xiao Jian sat down beside her.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

"No," she said bluntly.

What a pointless question.

Did he think she would really be all right when the next morning they would be leaving Beijing, the only home she'd ever known, forever and with it, the only person who'd ever loved her so unconditionally?

She drew her knees up to her chest and laid her head down, closing her eyes, wanting the world to dissolve and then be put right again.

Before they left, Han Xiang had apologised to her that it was because of her that Xiao Yan Zi was now separated from Yong Qi. She didn't want to hear the apology, which was entirely absurd. None of this was in any way Han Xiang's fault, it was that human plans could never surpass plans made in Heaven. They could never have foreseen this and even if they did, Xiao Yan Zi wasn't sure she would do anything different.

"You know, it might not be so bad," Xiao Jian spoke, just when Xiao Yan Zi could almost forget he was there. The reminder wasn't entirely pleasant. "It will be an adventure."

Well, she had to credit Xiao Jian with understanding some part of her. Yes, in any other circumstance, she would be looking forward to this adventure. But now, she almost wished she was back in the palace if it meant being with Yong Qi again.

Imagine that. She would rather be in a cage than flying free.

Sometimes she hated Yong Qi for doing this to her, for making her feel such things.

Xiao Jian seemed determined to make her talk because when she didn't answer, he spoke again.

"Look at all those ripe persimmons! Do you want any? Let's pick some."

Xiao Yan Zi raised her eyes to look up at the branches unenthusiastically.

They did look good but she wondered whether the fruits would taste sweet in her mouth now, when nothing managed to taste good these pass few days.

"Doesn't this orchard belong to someone?" she finally said, only to appease her persistent companion.

"Sure, but what's a few more or less? They wouldn't miss it."

For some inexplicable reason, Xiao Yan Zi thought of Yong Qi, of what he would think about the idea of picking fruits that did not belong to you, even if the owners would indeed not miss them. If it was her idea (which such an idea most of times was hers) he would scowl and half-heartedly try to lecture her while knowing it was hopeless and would end up being her accomplice anyway. How was it that before she never managed to really appreciate the way he'd always supported her in everything and only now did she miss it? What was the use of missing it now when…

She didn't want to cry in front of Xiao Jian so she looked quickly away and only said, "No, I don't want any. Let's just go back."

She didn't really want to go back, of course, but it was the only sure way of escaping him. It wasn't that she really found Xiao Jian annoying or that she was ungrateful for his concern. He cared about her, that was obvious and some part of her _was_ grateful. But the larger part of her just wanted to be left to her own misery and Xiao Jian's constant presence didn't help her feel any better.

Did he really think he could take Yong Qi's place?

* * *

Sometimes, Xiao Yan Zi wondered whether this was her comeuppance, for the times she had said she was reconsidering marrying Yong Qi or that the palace was too stiffling and she couldn't take it anymore and wanted out.

Well now she didn't have to take it anymore, and she was out, without him or any of the requirements for proper behaviour that came with his position.

Apparently this was what it meant to be careful what you wished for.

* * *

Yong Qi was dying a slow, painful death.

Beheading surely would have been quicker and neater.

And less painful.

It had been twelve days since he returned to Jing Yang Gong and ten days since the day that Xiao Yan Zi was supposed to be executed.

Except that he had no idea whether she was dead. Just after he arrived at Jing Yang Gong, he had managed to speak briefly to Ling Fei before the guards arrived and trapped him in, and she had outlined the plan of rescuing Er Kang and the girls for him. Did she succeed? Was Xiao Yan Zi safe?

Yong Qi felt like his entire being was on fire with the unknowning. He had been cut off from the rest of the world, and not a wisp of news had reached him for twelve days and he was slowly going insane.

If she no longer lived…then what was the point of him being here, slowly wasting away?

If she was alive, was she safe? How could he bear staying here, not knowing, not being able to protect her, not doing anything?

What was the point of being alive if he was to be reduced to such helplessness?

And the truth, the agonising truth, was that dead or alive, it was unlikely he would ever get to see Xiao Yan Zi again. If his father would ever release him, would he be free enough to look for her, or would freedom only be relative and one way or another, he would still be trapped nonetheless? And even if he was really free, there was no guarantee that he would ever find her, the earth as vast as it was. He would look for eternity but still, so much of it was up to Heaven. If truthfully, he could never see her again, he wasn't sure how he was supposed to deal with this pain, and how long it would take for it to really kill him.

Perhaps this was what they had put Huang Ah Ma through with Han Xiang's disappearance and he was simply getting a taste of it.

He wished his father would punish him in any other way but this. He could take physical pain, he could bear being raged at and hearing hurtful words which would eventually fade, but he couldn't bear this cold nothingness, of being ignored, as if he didn't exist.

Then again, perhaps that was the point. Punishment was meant to make you suffer. They had made Huang Ah Ma suffer unendurable pain and now Yong Qi would have to understand what it was like.

* * *

_This is why I should never be allowed to write anything multi-chaptered. Whenever I start to work on a chapter, a new idea pops into my head and then I start writing that instead. You have no idea how many times this had happened. _

_So this will be a short-ish piece, about 5 chapters (maybe 6), and I've written 4.5 of those chapters, so updates will be quick and it will be over quick. This is deliberately written in a briefer style that I usually do, so you'll find that time and events pass really fast. But I wanted to 1) get the whole thing down before I lose interest and 2) give just flashes of what could have been if something like this happened. _

_Still, already it's about twice the length I thought it would be when I started writing it. =.= _


	2. which alters when it alteration finds

**No Good Deed Goes Unpunished **

**Chapter 2: ...which alters when it alteration finds  
**

Lao Fo Ye was napping and Qing Er hoped what with being tired with all the drama in the palace lately, she would sleep for a while. She only needed long enough to sneak into the central imperial kitchens to get a message to Yong Qi.

There was only one thing going in and out of Jing Yang Gong at that moment, and that was food, so the only way she could hope to get news to Yong Qi was via the kitchens. She couldn't be too obvious, of course, and no really explicit communication could be attempted. Her footing with Lao Fo Ye was precarious as it was. In any case, it wasn't as if Qing Er had any real news. She only needed to assure Yong Qi that Zi Wei and Xiao Yan Zi had escaped death, which would surely be the one question that as torturing him right now.

* * *

When Yong Qi came in the dining room for dinner, he found waiting for him, aside from the usual dinner, a plate of a variety of cakes.

The sudden appearance of sweet snacks at the dinner table was a curious incident.

He looked up from the dishes on the table and found that the eunuch from the kitchen, who delivered the food, for some reason was still hanging around despite before he usually left as soon as as the dishes were set down.

Before Yong Qi could even ask about the unusual addition to the menu, the eunuch said, "Qing Ge Ge sends these cakes with her best wishes."

"Qing Ge Ge?"

"Ge Ge said that Lao Fo Ye had a craving for sweets and she only liked the cakes that Qing Ge Ge made but the Ci Ning Gong kitchen was busy preparing revitalising medicine for Lao Fo Ye so Ge Ge came to -the central kitchens to prepare the cakes. She made too many and asked us to send some to you, Ling Fei Niang Niang and Huang Shang."

He wondered whether the intensive information was Qing Er's instruction or just the eunuch's own initiative, but didn't want to press his luck by asking explicitly. That Qing Er obviously was trying to give him a message was enough. He merely nodded and dismissed all of the servants still remaining in the room.

Once alone, he looked down at the plate of cakes again and found it included an almond cake, a green bean cake, a cashew cake and an apple tart. In short, it was all Xiao Yan Zi and Zi Wei's favourite snacks. The very sight of them made a wild hope rose in him, so furiously bright and so suddenly that he had to sit down to calm himself.

_They were alive._

That could only be the sole message that mattered at the moment, the only message that Qing Er would be able to deliver. She must have known that he was drowning in the not-knowing all these days and had gone through these lengths to reassure him.

For now, just the information that at least Xiao Yan Zi and Zi Wei hadn't lost their lives on Huang Ah Ma's order was enough relief. It coursed through him with the strength of a river in flood, making him feel light-headed. He would worry more about their relative safety later. For now, he would allow himself to smile and feel grateful for Qing Er's information, which considering the misery he'd been wallowing in, was a positive lifesaver.

He thought about what the eunuch said. Qing Er had also sent these to Huang Ah Ma. Surely that meant that there was positive progress on that front as well. Surely that meant that Huang Ah Ma was not so angry anymore. Qing Er would not risk provoking Huang Ah Ma with reminders of Xiao Yan Zi and Zi Wei otherwise.

* * *

When Huang Ah Ma finally allowed him to set foot outside of Jing Yang Gong, more than two months had passed since the last time he saw Er Kang, Zi Wei and Xiao Yan Zi. Being out of Jing Yang Gong was not much comfort, seeing as he was still forbidden to leave the palace, and Huang Ah Ma refused to even see him. Lao Fo Ye had also seemed to follow his example.

The only comfort was that he could talk to Ling Fei and Qing Er again and get the detailed information that he lacked all this time.

It was a small wonder that Yong Qi didn't manage to go insane in those months, even with Qing Er's efforts to reassure him that Xiao Yan Zi was alive. Alive was one thing, safe was still another.

But it turned out, even other than knowing they were definitely alive, Qing Er and Ling Fei didn't have much more information either. They only knew that Huang Ah Ma had sent people out to try to capture them, though Ling Fei made sure to emphasise that he always insisted on not hurting them, not killing them. Yong Qi wasn't sure whether that was because Huang Ah Ma truly worried about their well-being, who he was simply making sure they would be well enough to endure punishment when they were dragged back. The fact that he was released from the confines of Jing Yang Gong didn't really convince him that his father was through being angry, especially when he still acted like Yong Qi didn't exist.

* * *

The palace was, quite plainly, _boring _without Xiao Yan Zi. It was even more boring when Yong Qi was trapped inside its walls, unable to go outside. If he didn't know it would result in getting caught that would throw him behind the gates of Jing Yang Gong indefinitely again, he would have tried to even climb the palace walls to get out.

Let it never be said that Xiao Yan Zi wasn't a bad influence on him.

Aside from the boredom, there was the worry. The worry seemed to have become a part of him as a whole, seeping into his core, always present like his every breath. It had become a state of being. He almost wished the officials that his father sent out to capture his friends would come back with some report, so that at least he could have hopes of hearing what they were up to, how they were doing. The constant worry of not knowing how they were doing was driving him around the bend, even more so when all he could do was walk around the vast palace doing nothing but exploiting the luxuries that it offered.

More often than not, he spent the day at Shu Fang Zhai, probably because it had become a habit to go there every day and he still hadn't managed to break it. At least, there were Ming Yue, Cai Xia, Xiao Deng Zi, Xiao Zhou Zi to share in his misery. Though, how much of their own misery was adding to his, he wasn't quite sure. He couldn't help looking wildly around and then being disappointed every time the parrot said "Ge Ge ji xiang" and the servants' sniffles upon hearing this didn't exactly help either. The sight of the book of cheng yu laying open on the desk and Xiao Zhou Zi's explanation that they had left it open like that for fear of disturbing Xiao Yan Zi's place brought a bittersweet smile to his lips. He would gladly struggle for the rest of his life with this book with her if it meant he could at least be sure he'd see her again.

It was missing Xiao Yan Zi that was the most unbearable of pains. Xiao Yan Zi's absence in his life seemed to eat at him from the inside out, a constant ache in his heart. He found himself wondering at odd moments, what she was doing, whether she was just fine without him, and whether she missed him in return. Did she know how much he missed her, how much he longed to be with her, regardless of whatever hardship she must be enduring? Did she know that he never wanted to be stuck here between these walls, feeling so totally helpless and useless?

Or did she think he voluntarily stayed, and that he had abandoned her?

Because that was what he felt himself sometimes. It wasn't true, of course, he never wanted to be away from her, to leave her on her own. But the truth was, he was here and she was Heaven-knew-where and he had no way of ever getting to her. He had once faked imperial decrees and stolen her from jail, and now he couldn't even release himself from the prison that was his home.

He had tried sneaking out of the palace but all the guards seemed to recognise him from a mile off and always seemed to multiply by the time he reached the gates. If he knew there was a chance one of him could defeat a dozen highly-trained palace guards and get out of the gates alive (well, intact, as they would never dare kill him) he would have tried it already. But he knew any attempt to force his way out now would only result in failure and that would cause even more damage than good.

Ling Fei had taken to trying to persuade Huang Ah Ma to at least see him, as she seemed convinced that Huang Ah Ma truly didn't want to cause any of them harm, and that if only he would speak to Yong Qi, then everything somehow would be miraculously put right. Yong Qi wasn't as convinced. If Huang Ah Ma truly didn't want them any harm, then surely the best thing to do would to not go after them at all?

* * *

She had been here before.

Xiao Yan Zi looked out the window of the carriage at the market they were currently going through. Nothing about the sight before her was familiar, but somehow she got the feeling that she'd been here before.

It was only until she heard the name of the town spoken in passing that she realised where they were.

It was not the town that was of any significance. It was the meadow that lay just outside of town, where she had once foolishly jumped on a horse for the first time in her life and raced off to, only to have Yong Qi run after her and steal her first kiss from her.

She did not need more reminders of him, not when the pain of being away from him was refusing to leave her as it was.

Surely it couldn't be healthy to spend so much of your time being so fixated on the thoughts of one person? She wished she didn't miss him so much, she didn't even know before that it was possible to miss someone so much. She wished she could forget that she was here and he was there, so that she could begin to enjoy her current life of freedom, but the things she wished for usually didn't come true.

Life had truly been good – aside from the fact that Yong Qi wasn't here with her – and she truly wanted to enjoy it. Sometimes she did, and sometimes it was less difficult to smile and laugh and have fun without all the restrictions that she almost got used to in the palace. But the lack of Yong Qi would inevitably bounce back at some point, perhaps when she found herself thinking that he would probably have liked this sight, or enjoyed that joke. When it bounced back, it sometimes managed to take her by surprise and then she felt the hollow pain of not having him here all over again.

Today, in this town, it didn't seem that it would be easy to forget him for even just a second.

Xiao Yan Zi got off from the carriage and experienced an odd sense of déjà vu. This, of course, wasn't the inn where they stayed the last time. That place would be much too expensive for their current budget. But the scene was much the same. They had just arrived and everyone was busy unpacking and unhitching, no one really paying her much attention.

Last time, she had seen him help _the girl _down from his horse and had gotten so mad that she just jumped on Er Tai's horse nearby and shot off.

This time, he should be here as well, and he should be helping _her _off his horse, because hadn't he promised? There would be place for no one but her on his horse. So why was she here alone, when he should be here and they should be sharing some stupidly sentimental secret smile that only they would understand at the significance of this town? He should be here with her, he should be here he should be here he should be here…

The thoughts blinded her and before she even knew what she was doing, she had jumped on Er Kang's horse and raced off. It was the same feeling, the rush of wind in her hair and pain in her heart – though the pain this time was so different from last time.

This time, she was in no danger of falling off her horse, so she just gripped the reins and urged the horse forward, as fast as he would go. She needed to go faster than her pain could catch up with her, because that was the only way she could escape it for that day.

"Xiao Yan Zi! Be careful!"

For one wild moment, she almost believed it was Yong Qi calling for her, racing after her, like he did the last time. She turned back, only to be hit in the face with disappointment with the force of a brick wall.

It wasn't Yong Qi racing after her at all. Of course it wasn't. He wasn't even here.

It was, instead, Xiao Jian who raced after her. (Of course.)

She didn't want to face Xiao Jian now, she didn't want to face anyone. She just wanted to get away, to be alone, because she was too much in the depths of loneliness to imagine what it might be like to be with company.

She wanted to ride off into the distance, off the face of the earth if possible and never stop, never face the aching void in her heart.

But the horse, who had gone all day, was tired, so at some point, he slowed down from a gallop to a trot to a walk and Xiao Jian did catch up with her. As soon as he was level with her, he reached out to grasp the rein from her.

"What were you thinking, going off like that?"

Xiao Yan Zi didn't answer. She simply let him stop the horse because it wasn't as if he would actually listen to anything she said now. She dismounted and found herself in the meadow where she and Yong Qi had escaped to before. It was not the same stretch, perhaps, because the place where she was standing was flatter than she remembered, but it was probably the same grass that grew here as it did there.

"I wanted some air," she said shortly when Xiao Jian only continued to look disapprovingly down at her.

Who made him her father, anyway?

"You didn't have to come after me," she continued. "I would have come back. I just needed to be alone for a while."

"You shouldn't be alone, what if someone catches you?"

"Out here? It's deserted."

"Still."

"Well, there's no one here, so can I be alone for a while?"

"Why?"

Why? _Why?_

Really, since when did she need his permission to be alone?

She didn't have time to retort, however, as he said, annoyance clear in his voice.

"I'm not going to leave you alone, you're only going to mope about Yong Qi."

"So what if I am? Maybe I want to."

"It's not healthy."

"Love's not healthy. I've realised that a long time ago."

"You shouldn't mope about him."

"The argument that I shouldn't do something doesn't exactly sit well with me, surely you've realised that?"

"What is there to mope about anyway?"

"I just miss him and worry about him, all right? Can you please leave me alone now? I promise I'll come back before dark."

Xiao Jian snorted derisively. "Why should you worry about him? As everyone keeps assuring you, he's the Sleeping Dragon's son, he's not going to die."

Xiao Yan Zi didn't answer, mostly because she didn't want to pour out her heart's feelings about Yong Qi to Xiao Jian of all people. The other reason was that even she could tell Xiao Jian was sounding jealous. Even more reason for not pouring out her heart.

"Why can't you just forget him?"

Xiao Yan Zi whirled around to face him.

"I thought you liked him!" she exclaimed.

"That was before he _abandoned_ you!"

"He didn't aband – "

"Then where is he?" Xiao Jian snapped. "Why isn't he here if he supposedly loves you so much? Face it, Xiao Yan Zi, why would he run after _you_ when he could live in luxury and get any girl he wants?"

Xiao Yan Zi wasn't sure what hurt and angered her more, the accusation that Yong Qi had abandoned her or the implication that she wasn't good enough for Yong Qi, or for any man to fight for.

"And here I was thinking you actually liked _me,_" she spat.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You clearly think I'm not worth it for anyone to go through any length of trouble for! Why are you here then?"

"That's not what I meant! I meant if he loved you so much, he would have come after you! But clearly he has not and you're still wasting your time – "

"You have no idea!" she shouted. "You have no idea what it's like being trapped in the palace! It took four of us and months of planning and putting everyone we know and love in danger to get Han Xiang out. You have no idea what might be holding him back!"

"It would take more than walls to keep me from you," he said.

Xiao Yan Zi stared at him.

He didn't just say that. _Please, _he did not just say that. She couldn't deal with this. She didn't want to deal with this, not now when she wasn't sure she would ever get over Yong Qi as it was.

"Don't," she begged.

"Don't what?"

"I really want to be your friend, I really do, so don't ruin it."

"What do you mean?" For some reason, he sounded genuinely confused.

Xiao Yan Zi didn't know how to put what she meant into words in such a way that would not state the fact that she could tell he was in love with her, because if she stated such a fact out in the open, it would just ruin everything. (Xiao Jian was being painfully obvious about his feelings, what with always hovering around her; she could have ignored it at the beginning but couldn't do it anymore.) So she jumped back on the horse and raced back to the inn.

By the time he caught up with her, she refused to continue the conversation they had in the meadow and it sunk into the backdrop of their daily life like a huge pink elephant.


	3. It is an ever fixed mark

**No Good Deed Goes Unpunished **

**Chapter 3: It is an ever-fixed mark  
**

That day, Yong Qi was making his way back to Jing Yang Gong to Ci Ning Gong. Lao Fo Ye had requested to see him now, however she refused to entertain any conversation relating to a) Han Xiang or b) the fugitives. Yong Qi, on the other hand, wanted to steer well clear of any conversation that involved himself and marriage, which Lao Fo Ye was trying to hint at, and Yong Qi bluntly ignored. This meant visits to Ci Ning Gong consisted of inane family talk and exchanging furtive looks with Qing Er, trying to judge whether Qing Er had any news from any sources about Xiao Yan Zi and company.

From Ling Fei, he had learnt that the people Huang Ah Ma, who still refused to speak to Yong Qi, sent after them had managed to meet face to face with them, but in the end failed to capture anyone. Yong Qi couldn't help but wonder from Ling Fei was deliberately keeping something away from him, like an injury or some such, because her story seemed rather too simple. Surely when there were only seven of them, to have a run in with a company of dozens imperial guards would result in some damage? On the other hand, he was sure, if it was something really serious – Heaven forbid, like someone _died, _she would tell him. Heck, if someone died, even Lao Fo Ye and thus Qing Er would have to know. (How was it that between the five of them, he always was the one least-informed?) Still, even that wasn't much assurance and did nothing to stop him worrying, especially when it had been almost a month since those news came and the lack of news right now felt eerily like the calm before the storm.

"Wu Ge!"

Yong Qi turned around and saw Shi Er Ah Ge running towards him.

"Do you know? Do you know?" he exclaimed, brimming with some sort of excitement. No, excitement wasn't the right word. It was more like agitation.

"Know what?"

"I've just heard that Zi Wei Jie jie is blind and both Er Kang and Xiao Yan Zi Jie jie are severely wounded."

The words he spoke were so startling that for a moment, only two thoughts registered with Yong Qi at that moment.

One, what was happening in the world so that _Shi Er Ah Ge _ended up knowing more than he did about his fiancée and friends?

And two, WHAT? Zi Wei is blind, how was that possible? And Xiao Yan Zi and Er Kang – what was "severely wounded" supposed to mean? His insides seemed to twist together and anxiety flooded all at once, making him feel rather light-headed. He had to resist the urge to shake the small boy in front of him for information. Forcing himself to remain outwardly calm, he asked, "You've just _heard? _From whom? And what do you mean by severely wounded?"

"I don't know, I just overheard a eunuch report that to Huang Er Niang."

Information twisted and turned and jumbled into an incoherent mess in Yong Qi's head.

"A eunuch reported this to your mother?" he repeated in a daze.

"Yes."

Why would a eunuch reporting anything about Xiao Yan Zi, Zi Wei and Er Kang to Huang Hou? Why, more importantly, would Huang Hou's eunuch know anything about them?

Fear filled his heart like ice. What was Huang Hou up to?

"Please, Wu Ge, can't you go talk to Huang Ah Ma and beg him to not hurt them? I like Zi Wei Jie jie and Xiao Yan Zi Jie jie, I don't want them to die! Huang Ah Ma always listens to you."

_Not anymore. And I like them, too. I don't want them to die either, little brother. _

But it seemed like no matter how Huang Ah Ma didn't want to see him now, he couldn't obey anymore. It was clear he needed to see Huang Ah Ma as soon as possible. Even in his rage, Huang Ah Ma would not tolerate Huang Hou's meddling, or worst.

"Shi Er Di, I'll speak to Huang Ah Ma, but go home and don't mention to your mother that you know this or that you told me."

"But why not? I could ask her to help you."

Yong Qi didn't feel like shattering the innocence of a nine-year-old boy so he only said, "She wouldn't want you to worry. I will ask her for help if I need it."

Like when hell starts to freeze he would.

"Okay."

He watched his brother disappear behind a bend before turning around and hurrying towards Ling Fei's place.

* * *

"Can you still defend him?" Xiao Jian demanded later when things had finally settled down.

By settling down, of course Xiao Yan Zi meant that her and Er Kang's wounds were tended to and Zi Wei had calmed down over Er Kang's injuries. She wasn't sure any of them had quite got over the real shock of the attack that afternoon just yet.

"Who?"

"Your precious Huang Ah Ma and Yong Qi."

She fiddled with the bandage around her wrist, sighing. The truth was, it was simply adrenaline that kept her going through the fight earlier that day and she hasn't quite come to terms with the fact that even now Huang Ah Ma had to go through such lengths to kill them. Was he so determined to have both Zi Wei and Xiao Yan Zi dead that he wouldn't mind having Er Kang as collateral damage as well?

She didn't want to believe it, despite all the evidence in front of them. She didn't want to think that whatever love Huang Ah Ma had for all three of them could disappear so easily. And if he would go through such lengths to punish them, what must Yong Qi be going through, being within Huang Ah Ma's reach? Perhaps he won't be killed, but there could be worst things than death.

The truth was, she didn't want to think about her feelings for Huang Ah Ma right now, because it hurt too much and she was just _tired _and wanted it all to stop. She didn't feel that Xiao Jian, with his strange antagonistic attitude to everything to do with Huang Ah Ma and Yong Qi, was the person she wanted to discuss them both with even if she was in the mood to talk.

"I don't want to talk about Huang Ah Ma right now. But Yong Qi hasn't done anything to us."

"Hasn't done anything?" Xiao Jian asked, incredulous. "Do you honestly think that he would be ignorant of _this?"_

"Why are you so ready to believe that he might actually want us dead?"

"Why are you so determined to think the best of him when he doesn't deserve it? Don't you think you're being delusional?"

"_You're_ being prejudiced. You've only met him a couple of times and yet you claim to know his motives! I think if Er Kang, who has known Yong Qi all his life, doesn't think he is capable of abandoning all of us to die, then I can't be wrong in my belief that this is the last thing Yong Qi wants for us."

"I don't think Er Kang is in any state to make any judgement in that respect now," Xiao Jian retorted.

"You weren't in the carriage, you were too busy driving, but even though he was bleeding to death, Er Kang worried more for Yong Qi than his own well-being!"

"I never said you were the only delusional one either!"

"I just don't see why you can't just try to like him, to take the words of people who actually know him about who he really is."

"You don't see that? You don't see the fact that he's not here?"

"I see what you refuse to, that is his heart is here, even though he can't be here physically."

* * *

Qian Long was furious. No, he was outraged. The man in front of him cowered visibly as the Emperor shouted, "What did you say? Zi Wei is blind, Xiao Yan Zi and Er Kang are both injured? Xiao Yan Zi making money by martial arts show on the streets? How could this be? You've seen them, why don't you let tai yi help them, why chase them to the point of causing injuries?"

"Li Da ren," Ling Fei asked, worry written all over her face, "you really saw them yourself?"

"Replying to Huang Shang, Niang niang, I saw with my own eyes Fu Da ren's heavily bandaged arm and also saw Huan Zhu Ge Ge doing a show in the market. I have told them that Huang Shang was merciful and does not wish to take their heads anymore, but they still struggled and ran away. I was worried of causing more injuries, didn't dare chase after them. After that, I only asked around and found that these days they've been hiding in Luo Yang, looking for physicians because Zi Wei Ge Ge is blind and Fu Da ren and Huan Zhu Ge Ge are both injured. We also heard that even the servant girl, Jin Suo, had fallen down and cliff and passed away."

"Didn't I say to you all just look for news, look for news and do nothing? Do you understand what that means? Why did you even chase them? Why not come back quickly and tell me? Where are they now? Do you know?"

"I must admit I have lost track of them but I sent people to look all four directions. They're full of injuries, and without money, probably can't go far."

The world seemed to collapse around Qian Long. Or had it collapsed long ago, and only now did he notice? He wasn't sure whether right now he was really raging at his subject, or at himself for having pushed his children to this point. He shouted at the man in front of him, but in reality it was himself.

The only good thing was that Yong Qi was safe in the palace. If he had given Yong Qi a free rein, no doubt he would have rushed off to find the others already and then he'd only have another child missing and probably injured. At least he was here, unharmed.

Not, of course, that this was a _great_ comfort, when the last time he had spoken to Er Kang and the others was also the last time he had really spoken to Yong Qi. Ling Fei kept telling him that Yong Qi wished to see him, that keeping away from his son now only reinforced Yong Qi's belief that Qian Long was still angry at him, that they could only truly make peace with each other if they saw each other. These few months, Qian Long couldn't yet gather the courage to see Yong Qi. He was sure that Yong Qi must hate him for wishing Zi Wei and Xiao Yan Zi dead, for throwing him and Er Kang in prison. He didn't think with the current pain of losing Er Kang, Zi Wei and Xiao Yan Zi, that he could deal with the hatred that would surely shine in Yong Qi's eyes if they saw each other now, though he so deserved it.

After Li Da ren had gone off, Ling Fei clutched at his hand and said in a desperate voice, "Huang Shang, I beg you. Don't send Li Da ren and Qin Da ren after them any longer. If they see people they don't trust, they'd only run. Get Fu Lun and Yong Qi to go after them. Neither Fu Lun nor Yong Qi would cause them harm. Also, Yong Qi still thinks you are angry at them all, that you still want to punish them. You must tell him, let him see your worry. And he deserves as much as you to know about what's happening to the others. Let him go after them and bring them back."

"He would mock me for eating all my words now," he said wearily.

"No, he would not. Yong Qi is too good and he respects you too much for that. I assure you he would only be relieved."

Qian Long was not given time to answer, however, as at that moment, raised voices from outside drew his attention.

"Wu Ah Ge, please! You can't go in there! Huang Shang explicitly said no one was to disturb!"

"I don't care! Get out of my way, now!" Yong Qi's furious voice answered.

Qian Long looked at Ling Fei and she gave him an encouraging look. He sighed heavily and just nodded. She went to the door and opened it.

"Let Wu Ah Ge come in," she told the servants.

As soon as Yong Qi crossed the threshold, he fell to his knees before Qian Long and words flowed out before Qian Long could even gather his wits.

"Huang Ah Ma, I know all of us have done great wrong to you and deserve a thousand deaths, but if we are to be punished, please let it be by your hands rather than having someone else using your name to harm Er Kang, Zi Wei and Xiao Yan Zi. Things have gotten this bad, Xiao Yan Zi and Er Kang are both injured, I don't know how seriously and Zi Wei is blind, they've probably been pushed to the edge of the cliff already, if Huang Ah Ma still want their lives, I beg you to not make me live alone knowing that all this time I've not been able to do anything for them – "

"Yong Qi, slow down! How do you know all this? I have only just found out myself!"

Yong Qi looked up at him with something like wonder, possibly because he only sounded worried rather than angry. Qian Long couldn't help feeling the pain of knowing that his son only expected murderous anger in him after all this time and was shocked to actually see concern in its place.

What had he done to them all?

"Huang Ah Ma – "

"Your Huang Ah Ma didn't send people to harm Xiao Yan Zi, Zi Wei and Er Kang," Ling Fei said gently, when Qian Long was still too choked up to explain. "I've told you that, so we don't know how they managed to sustain such injuries. Now, Huang Shang only wants them to come back safely."

Yong Qi looked up at him, face full of hope, begging him to confirm what Ling Fei just said. Qian Long sighed.

"Stand up, Yong Qi."

One of his first words to his son in months was not any declaration of affection or offer of comfort, only one of the most mundane things that he said everyday.

"If Huang Ah Ma has not ordered people to take their lives, then I'm afraid someone else is using your name to do so," Yong Qi said slowly as he stood.

"What do you mean?" Qian Long asked.

"You asked how I heard this news, the truth is, Shi Er Di told me."

"Yong Ji told you?"

"Yes, he said he overheard a eunuch's report to Huang Hou."

The revelation should shock him, but in so many ways, it cleared up so much. Anger, pure unadulterated anger threatened to bubble up in Qian Long again, not unlike the anger that had driven him to send Xiao Yan Zi and Zi Wei to death, but this time it was directed at an entirely different target. It was enough to help him make up his mind.

"Yong Qi, you will go with Fu Lun to look for them. Talk to Li De Sheng about his progress in finding them. Find them and tell them…tell them I don't want any of them dead, I have forgiven you all and just want them to come back home, safe and sound."

Yong Qi still stared at him for a long moment, not believing what he just said. Qian Long tried to stem the pain and guilt that came with that astonishment.

"Really?"

Such a parole should really deserve a more eloquent expression of gratitude, but Qian Long didn't think there was anything more precious than the look of pure amazement mixed with hope and relief that shined on Yong Qi's face and in just those two syllables now.

He sighed and spoke, in a gentler tone now, "I have realised these months how much I've missed you all. Everything that's happened, I am willing to let it just be our family problems. Just go look for them and bring them back. Tell Zi Wei, there are great doctors in the palace, she just needs to come and slowly mend. Tell Er Kang that he will always be my trusted subject. Tell Xiao Yan Zi that she can come back and cause as much ruckus in the palace as she wishes, she will still be my fruit of joy and this palace has gone cold without her."

Yong Qi closed his eyes in relief for a moment, before kneeling down before him.

"Thank you, Huang Ah Ma."

Sincerity rang in every word and Qian Long knew from the gruff way he spoke that Yong Qi was holding back tears.

Qian Long leaned down and raised Yong Qi to his feet. Then, putting both his hands on his son's shoulders, he said, "And you, you are still my beloved son."

As Yong Qi allowed his tears to fall, Qian Long find he couldn't quite keep his own eyes dry either.

* * *

They were rejoicing in the reunion with Jin Suo and Liu Qing at the estate of the He family, a friend of Xiao Jian's, when a servant came in and told them that there were a lot of people trying to surround the house. They all swallowed a collective groan and just grabbed all their luggage and made their way out to the back courtyard where the carriage was waiting. But before anyone can get in, two dozen men had swarmed in, but showed no sign of attack, and merely greeted them.

"Zi Wei Ge Ge ji xiang, Huan Zhu Ge Ge ji xiang, Fu Da ye ji xiang."

"If you've recognised us, then get out of the way," Er Kang said.

But the voice that answered him wasn't one that any of them expected.

"Er Kang, put down your sword. We're all on the same side here."

Yong Qi and Fu Lun appeared before them, making all of them gape in amazement. Er Kang, Liu Qing and Liu Hong instinctively threw down their weapons, and only Xiao Jian took a fraction of a second longer to reluctantly sheath his sword.

"Ah Ma!" Er Kang exclaimed. "Yong Qi! What are you two doing here?"

Xiao Yan Zi, who was in the process of jumping down from the carriage, was shocked into forgetting where she was by the very sight of Yong Qi. She tried to move forward towards him, but forgot she was standing precariously with one foot on the carriage and one foot on the ground, and only ended up falling flat on her face.

"Xiao Yan Zi, be careful!"

Before she knew what was happening, Yong Qi's arms were around her, helping her stand up. She didn't even think about the bruise that was probably forming on her shin right now, and just gripped his arm tightly, her eyes opened wide, staring at him in disbelief.

He was before her, she could see him, touch him, hear him and his face was close enough for her to feel his breath on her skin. But she couldn't quite bring herself to really believe it. By now, she had almost given up hope of ever seeing him again, and his sudden appearance was making her dizzy and incapable of any coherent thought. The world seemed to be spinning twice as fast and she wanted someone to tell her that this was all true, that she hadn't imagined him or dreamed him up.

"Xiao Yan Zi." His voice sounded as choked with barely suppressed emotions as hers surely would be if she tried to speak. "Xiao Yan Zi, I'm so sorry."

She placed a hand on his cheek in wonder and whispered, fearing if she spoke too loud, her dream would shatter, "Are you real?"

"Yes," he whispered back, resting his forehead against hers.

For a second, it was as if they were the only ones who existed. She could only continue to stare at him, to feast her eyes on the sight of him, never wanting to let him out of her sight again.

It was only some movement behind her that drew Xiao Yan Zi back to consciousness. She whirled around so fast that she ended up stumbling back against Yong Qi.

"Sorry," Zi Wei said as she was trying to sneak down from the carriage and everyone else around them was withdrawing into the house to apparently give them some privacy. Xiao Yan Zi opened her mouth to tell them not to go, though in reality she did want them to all go away and leave them alone together. Zi Wei smiled softly and squeezed her hand, telling her not to speak. Then she walked into the house, pulling a very reluctant Xiao Jian who still lingered outside in with her.

Xiao Yan Zi turned back to Yong Qi, still slightly in awe that he hadn't managed to disappear before her eyes yet. Before she managed to look up at him though, he had pulled her into a hug so tight that no doubt could remain. She let herself be engulfed in that hug, and buried her face in his chest, never wanting to let go.

"Yong Qi, Yong Qi, Yong Qi!" she cried, letting her fists pound on his back, letting the weakness of missing him take over her completely in such a way that she never allowed herself before. "Where have you been? Why didn't you go after me? Do you know how much I needed you all this time?"

Yong Qi simply gripped her shoulder more tightly and rested his cheek on her hair.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I wanted to go after you, I wanted to be there with you every step of the way, I really did. If I could find a way to get out of the palace, I would have raced day and night to find you."

She only pulled away slightly so that she could look at him.

"Don't ever leave me alone again," she whispered. "I didn't know how much I needed you before, but now I don't want to ever be away from you again."

Yong Qi pressed his lips against her forehead, then whispered, "I promise, we won't ever be apart again."

They held each other like that for a long time, words unnecessary now. Part of Xiao Yan Zi knew they probably should get inside, as there would probably be a whole lot of information to share, but she couldn't bring herself to let go of him yet. He didn't seem in a hurry to let her go either.

"You've gotten thinner," she observed, gripping his hand tightly.

"Months of worrying about you all probably do that. Is Zi Wei's eyes all right now? We heard that she was blind – "

"Yes, she's fine now but you know about that?"

"Yes and you were injured! Where?"

"It's fine," she said, trying to sooth the agitation in his voice and expression. "It's all healed up now. Even Er Kang's wound is almost totally healed and mine wasn't nearly as serious. Besides, I've got thick skin, remember?"

He still only frowned at her, looking all over trying to find signs of a wound. She pushed up her sleeve a bit to show him the new scar on her wrist.

He cradled her hand with both of his and stroked the scar with his thumb.

"I should have been there," he whispered. "I should have tried harder to sneak out, I should have – "

But Xiao Yan Zi had put a finger to his lips, quieting him. "Don't. It won't change anything. I'm fine, and you're fine, which is all that matters."

"This wound wasn't from Huang Ah Ma's people, you know."

"But they said they were under orders to kill us."

"Not Huang Ah Ma's orders."

She looked up at him, not believing. "Not?"

"No, but we should get inside to tell that story. Probably Fu Da ren is waiting for us to start talking."

* * *

Once inside, stories were told and explanations were made. Yong Qi explained how he couldn't get out of the palace to join them, and how Huang Shang did start off with locking him up because he was angry, but after that, it had been more of an attempt to preserve him, to stop losing Yong Qi as well. Together with Fu Lun, they explained how Huang Shang had missed them and worried about them when he heard about their injuries and how they suspected it was all Huang Hou's doings. Then the messages from Huang Shang were delivered, telling them that they were welcome to return.

"Well, you should pack and we should return to Beijing as soon as possible," Fu Lun concluded.

The hesitant glance that Zi Wei and Er Kang exchanged told Yong Qi all he needed to know. Of course it wouldn't be that easy. Of course they wouldn't just merrily skip back to the palace, not after all the horrors and dangers they must have been through.

Yong Qi only vaguely listened to Er Kang's reasons to why he and Zi Wei weren't jumping at the chance to return. He watched Xiao Yan Zi more closely and found that though she remained quiet, unusually so for Xiao Yan Zi, she obviously had the same reluctance.

Fu Lun seemed to turn to him for help, but Yong Qi found that he had to disappoint him.

"Fu Da ren, I think it will be best if we could be given a chance to talk about whether to return before any concrete decision is made."

Xiao Yan Zi, Zi Wei and Er Kang all looked at him in surprise. Fu Lun's expression was more like horror.

Even as Er Kang and Zi Wei withdrew away to talk, Fu Lun held him back. Yong Qi only smiled reassuringly at Xiao Yan Zi and asked her to wait for him before turning back to Fu Lun.

"You _will_ persuade them to come back, will you not?"

Yong Qi sighed.

"I won't if they don't want to."

"Wu Ah Ge! You came here – "

"- to be with Xiao Yan Zi. I haven't been with them so I can't presume to know how bad things must have been, but from the looks of things, it's been bad enough. And the truth is that in the palace Xiao Yan Zi had to go through a lot already, and she's still suffering for it even here, outside the palace. I can't just assume that she would be willing to go back."

Fu Lun just closed his eyes in pain.

"If it's any consolation, I doubt Er Kang and Zi Wei will make the decision to not come back lightly. Even Xiao Yan Zi would have a lot of leave behind, and I have even more to consider."

"Except that you've already made up your mind."

"I have, perhaps, but the consideration has been long coming. What did you think there was to do these past months in the palace?"

* * *

"You want me to go back with you, don't you?"

"I'm not here to drag you back, Xiao Yan Zi."

"But you want me to."

"What I want is to know what you want to do. These past months only confirmed what I already knew before, that is I can't bear the palace without you, let alone all three of you, and if I had to go through that again for the rest of my life, I would probably go insane at some point."

He placed a hand against her cheek and sighed, only now realising how really much he had missed her. The sight of her before him was both a relief and wonder. She looked up at him with searching eyes.

"I want, I _need _to be with you, and I need it to be where you'd be happy. Just as I would have gone with you from the very beginning without regret, I would go now with you, if you don't feel that can take the demands of the palace again," he said.

"You would leave everything to go with me?"

"Do you think I wouldn't have done it from the beginning if I could?"

She didn't answer but the look on her face told him that no matter how brief, there must have been moments when she did think that. The total devastation on her face at the idea of such a thought made his heart flare up in pain. She should never be allowed to look like that, not when the reason for it was him.

Then, she took a deep breath, as if trying to gather her courage, and said, "If you truly want to go back, I would go back with you, you know. These months have showed me, too, that I can't bear it without you and if being with you meant going back, I really would do it."

Yong Qi couldn't decide whether this answer gave him more pleasure or pain. Just the fact that she said these words when she clearly didn't want to go back was enough proof of her feelings, more proof than any fancy words that she could never remember could show. Intense emotions flooded his heart and he couldn't find a way to put them into words, so he just drew her to him and kissed her.

"Let's not go back," he whispered against her lips after the kiss ended.

She looked dazed, but he wasn't whether it was at the kiss or what he said. "No?"

"No, you wouldn't be happy there and I wouldn't be happy if you couldn't."

"But…"

"No buts. There will always be things to tear us apart there, and I think we can agree that we've been apart for long enough."

She gave him a brilliant smile and hugged him tightly, finally looking like her happy, overexcited self again.

"Yong Qi, you're the best!"

* * *

"So, no?" he asked Er Kang.

"No."

He nodded but couldn't bring himself to feeling any regrets about his own decision, except the guilt of making Fu Lun have to be the one to break this news to Huang Ah Ma.

* * *

After that, Fu Lun left, disappointed but somewhat accepting of their decisions. Yong Qi stayed and together the four of them told Liu Qing, Liu Hong, Jin Suo and Xiao Jian what had happened.

The only who didn't seem to rejoice in the fact that Huang Shang had forgiven them and that Yong Qi was with them and here to stay was Xiao Jian.

"So I suppose you think you can just waltz into Xiao Yan Zi's life again and have her take you back and everything will be sunshine and daisies again?"

Yong Qi couldn't even react when Xiao Jian reached over the yanked Xiao Yan Zi's hand out of his, though she scowled in barely suppressed annoyance and jerked her hand away, defiantly moving closer to Yong Qi still. Yong Qi, for his part, could only stare at the anger that seemed to ring in every word that Xiao Jian spoke and the way his face twisted in hatred.

The man in front of him now was so different from the suave wandering hero that once so firmly captured their attention in Beijing and somehow along the way wormed his way into their circle. There was nothing of the air of indifference to worldly suffering and pain in this man's eyes, the air that had so fascinated Yong Qi when they first met. Instead, this man was filled with uncontrolled rage, and at the moment, that rage was directed squarely at Yong Qi.

"Don't worry about him," Xiao Yan Zi said tartly, "as he is under the impression that being stuck behind walls in Beijing was your choice, no matter how we've tried to convince him otherwise."

"How could you stand here with him like this?" Xiao Jian shouted at her. "How could you just let him stroll in like nothing's happened and take you for a fool again?"

"A fool! Well, I'm glad to know that's what you think I am!" she retorted. "What's it to you what I do anyway? You don't own me!"

Xiao Jian opened his mouth to shout back, but Yong Qi had finally gathered enough of his wits to stand between Xiao Jian and Xiao Yan Zi, more to stop Xiao Yan Zi from lashing out than anything.

"Xiao Jian, I do appreciate your concern on Xiao Yan Zi's behalf, I really am. But if you've ever thought of me as your friend, then please believe me when I say every day for the last months, I've wished to be with all of you, not shut up in the palace. I would have gone through everything you've suffered with you if I could – "

Xiao Jian let out an impatient, derisive huff, the attitude of which was clear enough that Yong Qi stopped short.

"I know how educated you are so you can say nice words if you want to, but if you expect me to believe you, then forget it," Xiao Jian said coldly.

At that moment, Er Kang put a hand on Xiao Jian's shoulder.

"Xiao Jian, you have been invaluable to us throughout this whole trip. I think none of us would be alive without you, and all of us, Xiao Yan Zi and Yong Qi included, are indebted to you. It's clear that you think of us as friends to protect us so. So if you still value that friendship, please don't be like this. If you trust my judgement at all, please trust me to believe in Yong Qi's goodness and worthiness."

This time, Xiao Jian turned his rage on Er Kang. "I can believe in your judgement and your goodness because you've proved it times and times over, but I cannot believe it of him!"

Yong Qi couldn't help the pang of pain at hearing this. He had genuinely wanted to be Xiao Jian's friend, and still couldn't believe where this attitude was coming from but it was rapidly getting on his nerves.

"If you think I would be so selfish as that to bask in luxury while my friends and sister and the girl I love most in the world suffer all sorts of horrible things, then I do have to wonder what you think my purpose was in helping Han Xiang escape in the first place. But I suppose as disappointing as it is for you to think such things about me, I must confess myself disappointed as well, as I had thought the man I wanted to be friend with was less prone to such base human flaws in judgement. I had thought the man who roamed the earth with just a flute and sword, claiming the sky as his roof, would be closer to enlightenment than this!"

Xiao Jian simply glowered at Yong Qi and soon it became something like a staring contest, with fury nearly pulsing from Xiao Jian and Yong Qi trying to keep his own anger, hurt and disappointment from controlling him as well.

"Ignore him," Xiao Yan Zi said dismissively, trying to pull Yong Qi away.

But if Yong Qi's words didn't seem to make any impact on Xiao Jian, Xiao Yan Zi's simple words alone and the uncharacteristically cold tone of her voice was enough to make Xiao Jian's features crumble in pain. An absurd idea of what Xiao Jian might feel for Xiao Yan Zi flashed through Yong Qi's head. But he didn't have time to dwell on it, as at that moment, Xiao Jian was speaking again, but this time, he was speaking to Xiao Yan Zi, almost pleading her.

"Xiao Yan Zi, you can't take him back, you just can't! You shouldn't even be with him in the first place!"

"And why should I listen to anything you say considering you didn't feel the need to listen to a word of anything any of us said? Don't you think that six of us might actually know Yong Qi better than one of you who hardly know him?" she shouted.

Xiao Jian's face flushed with anger and he shouted back, "I cannot let you be with him, I cannot let you be so blind, because you are my sister, my own sister and it was his father who killed our parents!"

* * *

_A/N: (I told you things moved quickly in this fic.) _

_Some of you mentioned in reviews that this XYZ is a lot less oblivious/more mature than the original, and that is a conscious decision. Part of the reason for this fic was I wanted to see how XYZ would change, being away from Yong Qi. More on that here (remove spaces): http: / / huanzhuyulu. tumblr. com / post / 23103937896 _

_In this post I also talk about how various character relationships have to change for this story and why._


	4. that looks on tempests and never shaken

**No Good Deed Goes Unpunished **

**Chapter 4: ...that looks on tempests and is never shaken  
**

It took well into the evening, many tears from Xiao Yan Zi, many exclamations of rage from Xiao Jian and stares of shock from everyone else for their heads to wrap around the story that Xiao Jian just told.

In the end, though, it just explained so much.

So Xiao Jian wasn't in love with Xiao Yan Zi after all, not like all of them thought throughout half of this journey, including Xiao Yan Zi herself. The only reason such a suspicion never caused major problems was because Xiao Jian was so totally caught up in caring for Xiao Yan Zi that he didn't stop to think how such attention was taken, and Xiao Yan Zi, in her part, was determined to stay away from the very idea of a romantic inclination from Xiao Jian.

More importantly, it explained why Xiao Jian was so ready to think the worst of Yong Qi, and to continue believing in the worst despite all their attempts to convince him otherwise.

This, Er Kang thought to himself, was probably a classic example of the theory that when left to themselves, problems tend to go from bad to worse.

Maybe they should have confronted the huge elephant a little earlier, called Xiao Jian out on their suspicion of his feelings, and then he perhaps could have confessed this deep, dark secret a little earlier. Er Kang doubted it would actually make Xiao Yan Zi miraculously lose all her feelings for Yong Qi, but at least she could get used to the truth without him there. It might have also been better to take this news while they still all believed that Huang Shang wanted them dead, because now, just when the news had come that he didn't want them dead and had forgiven them after all, for Xiao Yan Zi to suddenly have this new reason to hate him didn't seem entirely desirable.

Er Kang hated to be the reasonable one when this situation was one when reason was least likely to be valued, but he couldn't help but see the gaping holes in the logic that was Xiao Jian's determination to think that his family's deaths was Huang Shang's "fault".

The truth was, he could see how Xiao Jian, who had lost all his family, could think that it could all be pinned on one man, because pinning it all on one man would allow him a purpose, allow him someone to blame. It was easier to blame a person than blame fate. Blaming a person meant believing that somehow people still have a control over fate, and could still change the way their lives turned out.

But could anything but fate have set up this game that they were currently playing? Could anything but fate have torn Xiao Yan Zi away from her real family and then proceeded to place her deep in the hearts of the people who, according to Xiao Jian and his rage, she should hate? It wasn't just Huang Shang, it was Yong Qi and Zi Wei too, as Huang Shang's children, it was Er Kang too, who could not be anything but unwaveringly loyal to Huang Shang.

Er Kang looked around. Pretty much everyone was in shock, Xiao Yan Zi and Yong Qi most of all. Xiao Yan Zi was sitting down, staring out in front of her, shaking her head while Zi Wei tried to comfort her (impossible feat). Yong Qi stood a little away from her, looking at her with pain shining from his eyes, clearly totally at loss at what he was supposed to do with the disaster that had just dropped down on him. As if he hadn't had a bad few months already.

Xiao Jian, meanwhile, was looking at nobody, though his entire body was shaking. Er Kang wondered how he managed to restrain himself from hurting Yong Qi, considering how throughout telling the story he made it clear that if he couldn't take revenge from Huang Shang, Yong Qi would be a good enough substitute. Er Kang vaguely wondered if he tried, what Xiao Yan Zi's reaction would be, whether she would stand between Yong Qi and the sword that once belonged to her father. But it wasn't a theory that he wanted to test.

"Now you understand," Xiao Jian said, his voice rough with emotions, still not looking at anyone, "why I can't have you be with him. When I first learnt that you have gone into the palace, accepting the enemy as your father – "

Er Kang started at the word choice and could see both Yong Qi and Zi Wei's features cloud over with pain as well, but Xiao Jian was still speaking, so he could not interrupt.

" – I didn't know what to do with myself, with the information I hold. But I knew then that you couldn't have trusted me yet, even if I told you then, you might not have believed me. So I waited, partly because I wanted to see if the man who you think you love and would marry might be worthy of you after all. It turns out all my fears about him were right after all. He doesn't deserve you, and neither does his father! Neither of them deserves your devotion!"

"That's not true!" Xiao Yan Zi shouted, and Er Kang could tell from the way she double took that she even shocked herself with her outburst.

"How could you still defend him now?" Xiao Jian asked, turning around quickly and staring first at Xiao Yan Zi, and then at Yong Qi with hatred.

"Because I know Yong Qi, unlike you, who are just so determined to judge him by something he had no control over, something that happened when he was two! I know I love him and he loves me and not even everything you've just told me now could make that go away. You don't get to choose your family, Xiao Jian and he very well couldn't choose his!"

For a tiny moment, Er Kang nearly smiled, because no matter how serious this situation undoubtedly was, his biggest fear was that Xiao Yan Zi would lose herself to the pain of the information and take it out on the easiest target. It turned out though, that unlikely as it was, she was still capable of some reason. Er Kang had no doubt the long separation from Yong Qi had contributed to that, that Xiao Yan Zi had realised enough how much Yong Qi meant to her, and how lost she had been without him, that she wouldn't be able to just push him aside totally now to make way for rage. The fact that she could reason this out meant that at least this situation was salvageable.

Zi Wei seemed to have realised this too, as the look of relief was clear on her face. Yong Qi looked absolutely shocked at what Xiao Yan Zi actually said, but nonetheless the bittersweet smile on his face showed that he was touched beyond words by Xiao Yan Zi's declaration.

"What about that Sleeping Dragon then?" Xiao Jian spat.

Xiao Yan Zi didn't have an answer to that. She just stared at Xiao Jian for a long time, before it seemed that the truth and the weight of the matter finally managed to collapse down on her shoulders. She let out a strangled sob before running blindly out of the room. Yong Qi immediately tore after her, and Xiao Jian let out a growl of anger and made to follow, or possibly stop Yong Qi, but Er Kang had stepped into his way.

"Let me go! You can't think I would let her be alone with him!"

"You must and you will!" Er Kang said in a commanding tone. He didn't expect Xiao Jian to listen to him, and surely enough, he continued to struggle. "You just spent the entire of your acquaintance with Xiao Yan Zi lying about who you are, not telling her such important information when you had ample chances to! Trust me when I say she doesn't want to see you right and you need to give her space to accept this and the reasons for that omission!"

"I'll give her all the space she wants, just not with him!"

"For Heaven's sake, Xiao Jian, no matter how prejudiced you might be about Yong Qi, here's a fact: Xiao Yan Zi loves him and he loves her! And if you even care about her at all, let them have this time to work this truth out between themselves."

Xiao Jian still looked mutinous, but he stopped struggling and jerked his arm out of Er Kang's grip.

"Let's take a stroll," Zi Wei suggested quietly. Er Kang could tell from the look she gave him that she wanted a chance for the two of them to try to talk some sense into Xiao Jian.

"Yes, let's," he said, his voice making no room for any rejection.

Leaving Jin Suo, Liu Hong and Liu Qing to dwell on the chaos that just descended afresh on them, the three of them walked out onto the yard, though perhaps in Xiao Jian's case, it was more like stomping. Er Kang made a mental note to keep an eye out for Xiao Yan Zi and Yong Qi, should their paths crossed.

It was Zi Wei who finally spoke first. "Literary persecution exists in every era, in every dynasty. It's a way to control ideology and it's a method taken by every emperor of every dynasty. May I ask, was the poem really just innocent and misinterpreted, or did your father really have rebellious thoughts and intents?"

Her tone was soothing and gentle, but Xiao Jian apparently took offense anyway.

"If he did, does that mean he deserved death?" Xiao Jian said angrily.

"No," Er Kang replied. "It means that the thoughts and intents he held were taboo, and he must have known such thoughts were prohibited, yet he chose to express them anyway, and by expressing them, he showed that he was willing to court the law, perhaps even die, for his thoughts, for his ideology."

"The law cannot dictate and govern thoughts."

"And it does not exist to do that," he agreed. "It exists to govern behaviours and for that very reason law isn't miraculously drawn up out of thin air on the whim of one single person. It is founded in every value that is present in the society that it operates in. It cannot control thoughts but if expression of such thoughts could be made freely, if anyone could say whatever they wished then they would be out of the control of the ruler, which invalidates the entire premise of a single absolute ruler in the first place."

Zi Wei nodded in agreement. "A society where everyone is free to do whatever, say whatever they want would be a society where there is no such obvious hierarchy of ranks and that can't be the society we are living in. Whether there's a possibility for such a society isn't something that we should dwell on, because it's pointless in this argument. What we want you to understand is that Huang Ah Ma is not a tyrant, Xiao Jian. He does not kill for no reason."

Xiao Jian stared at her. "And I suppose ordering Xiao Yan Zi's and your deaths wasn't killing for no reason?"

"When we helped Han Xiang, we betrayed him, Xiao Jian, and that is the punishment that we deserved. We knew we would not escape punishment if he ever found out. One could say we were like your father, knowing it was wrong but doing it anyway, ready to take the consequences of our ideology. We know that and we accept that, so even sometimes when we might feel cheated or feel angry at him, we also have to remember why he was angry at us."

"And what of your mother?" Xiao Jian demanded.

Er Kang frowned and was about to protest, but Zi Wei still answered, the only sign that showed she was upset was a fraction of a moment when her face clouded over.

"The thing about Huang Ah Ma and my mother is neither here nor there. It's not relevant to this and you will not try to distract all of us from the real issue here. The issue is that you think your family's death was unjust and seek revenge for it. But…what exactly do you want to achieve by revenge, Xiao Jian? Would it allow your parents to live? Would it mean that Xiao Yan Zi could have her idyllic childhood back?"

"It would allow my parents to rest!"

"Really?"

The way Zi Wei said the simple word was so full of sorrow that even Xiao Jian, in his current state of total irrationality, had to reconsider.

"Would they really want their only son to become a killer?" Zi Wei asked quietly. "Even if they did, do you know the consequences of revenge? You will be caught. There is no way you won't be caught. How many lives will be lost then, aside from the obvious of yours and Xiao Yan Zi's? Even the two of us, and Yong Qi, would be implicated. We will stand by Xiao Yan Zi through anything, but did your parents save you both all those years ago so that you could throw away your lives like this? Have you just been living borrowed time all these years then? You might not fear your death, but what of Xiao Yan Zi's death?"

Er Kang couldn't help but admire Zi Wei's tactic in trying to turn Xiao Jian's thoughts around. He was considering asking Xiao Jian if he could bear being an enemy of the entire country if he was to kill a good emperor, but no doubt, Zi Wei's way of attacking the point where Xiao Jian was most vulnerable – Xiao Yan Zi's well-being – was probably a lot more effective.

Xiao Jian stared unblinkingly out before him, not looking at the two of them. It was obvious that as intelligent as he was, Xiao Jian probably had considered and agonised over all of these arguments already at some point. They maybe have even been some of the reasons for him to have waited till anger took over to blurt out the truth.

"Your revenge is not easy to take, Xiao Jian," Er Kang said, "if not to say impossible. If you really do care about us as friends at all, I suggest you never try, because I assure you, you sword will never reach him. Did you know that Zi Wei had once taken a knife for Huang Shang? Her health is still not good now because of that wound. That's not even mentioning neither Yong Qi nor I would hesitate from fighting with you until our last breaths to defend Huang Shang. Perhaps right now in your anger, you cannot appreciate Yong Qi for the truly good person and wonderful friend that he is, but would you let us become victims of your revenge?"

Xiao Jian turned to him with a look of wonder. "You would place your life on the line for him?"

"I'm surprised that you need to ask us that," Er Kang said. "Because surely you would not hesitate to place your life on the line for someone you cared about? And regardless of whatever happened, Huang Shang to us is still the father and monarch that we revere."

"Also," Zi Wei said quietly, "I can't guarantee to you that if you attack, the first person to stand between your sword and your target wouldn't be Xiao Yan Zi."

"She wouldn't!"

"She would. Fate is a temptress, Xiao Jian, don't succumb to her charms, you will only find yourself in the worst possible place."

Xiao Jian sighed. "The truth is, since knowing you all, I have realised that I wouldn't be able to take revenge anyway. I would have been happy enough to take Xiao Yan Zi far away from that Sleeping Dragon and allow her to live a happy life in Dali."

"If Xiao Yan Zi's happiness is your sole purpose, then you should get used to the idea that Yong Qi is part of that happiness," Er Kang said. "Even if Yong Qi did not turn up today and we arrive in Dali and never see him again, Xiao Yan Zi would always have that one part of her missing for the rest of her life and won't be totally happy as a result. You can't have one without the other, Xiao Jian."

"How could they be together still after this?"

"Hasn't these last months told you anything about the depths of her feelings? She may not shout it from the rooftop, but that doesn't mean she doesn't love him. She loves him more than you, or even she herself, give her credit for," Zi Wei said. "And whatever you may believe of Yong Qi, he won't let go of her that easily either. If your purpose in telling the truth finally was to try and tear them apart, then I am sorry to say that you have failed and the only thing it's achieved is to put this burden on them both."

For a moment, Xiao Jian didn't reply. Then, Zi Wei spoke again.

"Can I ask you for a favour?"

"What?"

"Xiao Yan Zi already grew up without a family and the thing she always craved most is to have people who love her, and to love in return, as a family. Please don't make her choose between the family she already has now, no matter how dysfunctional and unlikely it is, and one that she never had a chance to know and would never get back again."

* * *

The sky has collapsed, but why was she still here? How was she still alive and breathing and feeling all this pain? It was agony, and suddenly everything she knew was in chaos. Nothing made sense and she couldn't understand the purpose of anything that had ever happened to her anymore. What was the point of bringing her to Huang Ah Ma, to Yong Qi, to Zi Wei, and then to throw something like this in her face?

Xiao Yan Zi headed blindly for the stables, because just getting away from the room didn't help, she needed to get _away_, far away from here, to a place where pain could not reach her. She wasn't sure where that place was, but she would ride into the sun if it would help her find it.

But before she could even mount a horse, Yong Qi had caught up with her and taken the reins from her hands.

"Xiao Yan Zi, where are you going?"

"I don't know!" she sobbed. "I just need to _go_, don't stop me, please! Just let me get away!"

Yong Qi looked at her for a long time, his eyes filled with sorrow. She didn't dare to look at him, not wanting to feel the pain that would come with looking. She didn't want to find out whether she could hate him if she looked long enough.

The silence and the cold descended, pressing into them from all sides. Finally, Yong Qi did the one thing she didn't expect, and placed the reins back into her hand.

"All right. Let's go."

The answer startled her so much that she just looked up at him questioningly through a haze of tears.

"Let's go far, far away, just the two of us."

She still continued to look at him, not knowing how to react. Wasn't he supposed to look at her in horror now, for the ideals that her father once held? Wasn't he supposed to hate her now for being an enemy to the very idea of his family? And wasn't she supposed to hate him in return?

"Unless you don't want me with you," he said finally, hesitantly.

Before she quite knew what she was doing, a fresh cry of pain tore from her throat and she threw her arms around him, desperately hoping that in his arms, her life would suddenly come to a balance and make sense again.

"You know it doesn't mean anything, right? You know I still love you," he whispered desperately, holding her tight.

Choking sobs threatened to consume her as she heard these words. She wasn't sure whether they brought more comfort or pain.

She _did_ know. And she knew, too, that she loved him_,_ and that was the only thing real at the moment, more real than the idea of a family, a name, a brother, and the secret that had just dropped suddenly in her lap. His love, she knew how to react to, how to deal with, because the only way to react was to love him in return. It was this truth, this secret that Xiao Jian had kept from her all these months that she had no idea how to face, let alone deal with.

She couldn't wrap her head around the fact that not only did she have parents and a brother, but that they had died at the hands of Huang Ah Ma. The words that Xiao Jian spoke seemed to still hovering in front of her, refusing to sink into her consciousness.

Was the fact that she was here now, in Yong Qi's arms, somehow meant that she was being unfilial? But then if it was, she was hardly sure what _was _the filial thing to do. Hate him? Hurt him? She was sure she could never bring herself to do any of that, not when these months had just taught her that she could no more stay away from him without hurting than not breathe without dying.

But what of her parents? Did they bring her into Huang Ah Ma's folds for her to take revenge and she was too blind and too ignorant to realise it? If that was the case, then their plan had backfired completely, because even though these past months, she had truly believed Huang Ah Ma wanted her dead, she wasn't angry enough at him to ever wish him dead in return, let alone bring that death upon him herself. She couldn't dismiss either Huang Ah Ma or Yong Qi's virtues and their love for her so totally only because of this story, though she knew that Xiao Jian somehow thought that she should.

She didn't know what to think, to feel, despite the fact that feelings kept overwhelming her anyway. She couldn't tell whether those feelings were what she was supposed to feel, and if they weren't the right feelings, what was she supposed to do with them? They forced themselves on her anyway - the pain of the knowledge, the crippling realisation that despite that knowledge, she needed and wanted Yong Qi regardless, and somehow, that meant that she must have failed her parents in magnitudes that were immeasurable and thus didn't deserve to call them her parents at all. She could do nothing but cry, cry until tears refused to flow any longer.

"So now what?" she asked finally, still a little hysterically, when her tears subsided.

He looked at her with a sad smile and seemed to consider the mess before them carefully before saying, "Do you still need me?"

She wondered how she could say no. The reasons were there, of course. Her father apparently resented the idea of his family, his father had ordered her family's deaths. But what in those reasons had anything to do with Yong Qi himself? How much did he have control over? Hadn't she told Xiao Jian as much?

And wasn't he still here, despite everything? He had as much reason as she to turn away, but didn't. Was her love really not equal to his after all?

In the end, she knew her answer couldn't be anything but, "Yes."

His eyes seemed to brighten for a moment with relief. Then he took her both her hands in his and said, "Then can I say something that probably will not make you feel better but might put things in perspective a bit?"

She nodded.

"I can understand the resentments that might have pushed your father to write the poem that Xiao Jian spoke of and I won't speculate whether under those words, there were more underlying intents to try and over throw Huang Ah Ma, because quite frankly, for now, speculation is pointless. The problem is, regardless of intent, those very specific words written down could only be understood as rebellious and therefore illegal. Even if it was any other Emperor, when faced with such rebellious words, the punishment would be the same. Even if, say, Er Kang's father dared write such rebellious words, the punishment would be the same. It wasn't a personal vendetta against your father, Xiao Yan Zi, and I know that doesn't make the situation any less painful, but you must understand the real reason behind such a sentence. But all that doesn't necessarily mean that your father was a bad man, he just had opinions that should have been best kept hidden. Even Huang Ah Ma cannot forbid people to think things, but expressing those thoughts is a different matter entirely. And besides, if this case was as straight-forward as I think it was, then it would never even have to be taken up to Huang Ah Ma for a decision. If it was just a straight matter of the law, then the trial and punishment would never even have to reach Beijing. I don't think the death sentence would have come directly from Huang Ah Ma."

"So I'm supposed to blame - "

"No one," he cut her off before she could finish her sentence, though even she wasn't quite sure what came after that. "It's not a question of blame, Xiao Yan Zi, and I'm not just saying that. First, it happened so long ago, I don't think anyone could really tell us what really happened anymore. Even Xiao Jian's his adopted parents in Dali wouldn't know the whole story and whatever Xiao Jian knows is just passed down from them. Second, even if it was Huang Ah Ma who made you an orphan all those years ago, fate still brought you to him and let him become your father in return. Whatever resentment you might have for him these past months, and however angry at you he was - and it wasn't just you, it was all of us - he was still very worried when he heard you were injured and still cares a great deal about you. And what does your heart tell you about Huang Ah Ma?"

She didn't answer him right away, because the truth was, she knew too well what her heart wanted, that was to forget such a truth ever existed and be content with the knowledge that Huang Ah Ma had forgiven her. She might have just a few hours ago decided never to return to the palace, taking Yong Qi away with her, but that wasn't because she hated Huang Ah Ma in any way. As much as she did resent Huang Ah Ma when she thought he truly wanted her dead, she couldn't forget all the months before than when he was nothing less than a loving father to her. How could she repay his love with hate?

"I'm so confused."

"Well, seeing as we're not planning to go back to the palace, and you still want me, maybe you shouldn't dwell on this truth so much. It's only ever going to be a problem if you see Huang Ah Ma again, and right now it's likely that will be a long time coming. So for now, even if you think about it, what's going to change, really?"

"I just feel like I should feel guilty about still wanting to be with you, or at least for not being able to forget Huang Ah Ma, for my parents' sake," she said in a hollow voice, not really wanting to believe it.

"Maybe you should think that your parents would just want you to be happy, and wouldn't want you to dwell on the past that you can't change and forget to live."

"You think?"

"Anger doesn't suit you, Xiao Yan Zi. I would hate to see you fall under its weight and become like Xiao Jian. I understand now, under that mysteriousness that always fascinated us about him, there is a melancholy weight and burden that he had repressed all these years and I think it must have been triggered tonight. Maybe...maybe now that it's out in the open and you know, he might be able to rethink things a little."

"I think you're being too optimistic on that score."

"Give him time. If he'd really stayed with you all this time and taken care of you like you all said, I think for your sake, he would have to consider the situation more rationally. I would like to think that we weren't all wrong about his inherent goodness for all this time."

* * *

"Where's Xiao Jian?" Xiao Yan Zi asked when she and Yong Qi returned to the house and found only Er Kang and Zi Wei waiting for them.

"In his room, he probably needs the space."

Xiao Yan Zi was quiet but Yong Qi prompted, "So..."

"We've said all that there is to say, all that needs to be said, the rest of it is up to him to think it out," Er Kang said.

Xiao Yan Zi sat down on a chair wearily and Zi Wei went to sit next to her.

"I'm ok," she said before Zi Wei could ask. "Well, no, not really. Sort of. I don't know."

Xiao Yan Zi turned to look at her and thought about everything they've been through together, about the vow they'd made, of how Zi Wei had still cared for her and loved her and forgave her when she had stolen her father away. Was there any way of hating or resenting or even blaming Zi Wei for who her father was, when she had done all that? There wasn't any point in such hatred anyway, because the vow they made to be sisters for always back then in front of Heaven and earth wasn't made on any condition. Zi Wei was no less her sister now than she was a few hours ago.

If it was this hard to hate Yong Qi and Zi Wei, then to hate Huang Ah Ma would be just as impossible. Even if he were here in front her now, she knew when she looked at him, at them all, all she would ever be able to see would be the people she loved. Besides, hating them would only ever bring her misery, whereas in loving them, she had been given a family, the family that she always wished for. Perhaps in that family, there were times like this, when she might have provoked Huang Ah Ma to enough anger to want to punish her in the way that was normal for an emperor, and then for her to have to run away from him, but didn't he forgive her already? Wasn't forgiveness a part of love, a part of a family?

So when Zi Wei took her hand and said gently, "I don't think there's much point in Heaven bringing us all together in such ways if only then to make us hate each other."

She answered, "I know."


	5. Love alters not with his brief hours

**No Good Deed Goes Unpunished **

**Chapter 5: Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks...  
**

It wasn't that Xiao Jian didn't understand the points Er Kang and Zi Wei were trying to make. But they were easy points to make, if you've spent your whole life idolising this Sleeping Dragon. He heard their reasoning, but could not allow himself to truly see it from their points of view. Every time he thought of Qian Long, he only saw a life where he had been separated from his sister, from his family. Though his adopted parents loved him and he lacked nothing, he still had to grow up without his real parents, without his real family. How could anyone expect him to forget it?

He had always thought Xiao Yan Zi, with the life that she lived, would have understood the meanings behind debts and things owing, and the need for settling debts. Ever since meeting her, he debated whether to tell her the truth because he didn't want to burden her but he always thought if he ever told her, she would at least understand and support him in his wish for revenge.

Had he been mistaken all along? Did he simply imagine her to be the heroine who could clearly see the world in black and white and who was brave and righteous enough to avenge the wrongs around her? Was that all really just a facade and underneath, she was really just a little girl who starved for love and affection and clung to anyone who gave it to her? What else could explain her inability to tear her heart away from the Sleeping Dragon and Yong Qi even when she knew all this?

* * *

"You would still accept him, would still marry him, after knowing all this?" Xiao Jian asked.

"Did you think I would not?"

"I had hoped."

"Why? What if Yong Qi were to not accept me because of our father's beliefs? Would you think it's just too, or would you blame him?"

"That's different."

"No, it's not. Neither of us could decide the family we were born into and if we could let that become the reason to destroy everything we've shared then our love couldn't have been that strong to begin with, in which case, believe me, it would have collapsed long ago instead of waiting for something like this to tear us apart."

Xiao Jian didn't answer.

"Do you really disapprove of Yong Qi because of him, or is his father just an excuse?"

"You would really forgive him for everything?"

"I don't need to because he hasn't done anything wrong, or have you not been listening to a word I've been saying?"

That was possibly one of the most annoying things about Xiao Jian, and the source of their arguments all through this trip. He seemed to have a firm notion in his head of how things were, how things should be, and refused to change his mind, or look at it from a different perspective. He felt cheated, and that made him feel entitled to holding on to all his bad thoughts regarding Yong Qi, though Xiao Yan Zi couldn't see how anyone who valued honour, justice and valiance like Xiao Jian supposedly did could dismiss Yong Qi so totally.

When he didn't answer, she pressed, "Why don't you have a problem with Zi Wei? Or Er Kang, come to think of it? Why just Yong Qi?"

"You still want to marry him, despite everything _I've _been saying. I can't let you marry the son of someone who was responsible for the deaths of all our family."

"Would you want me to marry someone who loves me, and would always protect me but manages that without coddling me to the point of driving me to insanity?"

"There are more than one good man in the world, Xiao Yan Zi."

"So you admit that he's a good man?"

Silence once more. Xiao Yan Zi had a feeling that Xiao Jian didn't answer because he didn't want to admit that her points were valid and correct, because that only shattered his carefully constructed low expectations that Yong Qi had so far failed to live down to.

"To be honest, as much as it hurts to find out, I can't bring myself to even hate Huang Ah Ma. Not totally."

That brought enough of a reaction.

"WHAT?"

She sighed as he went into a tirade about every reason why she should hate Huang Ah Ma, all the reasons that she knew already but could not let them overshadow everything else.

"Do you know how I entered the palace?"

"What does that have anything to do with anything?"

"A lot. I was never supposed to get into the palace. I was only supposed to sneak into the imperial hunting ground to deliver a message to Huang Ah Ma for Zi Wei. But when I got into the hunting ground, before I could even meet Huang Ah Ma, Yong Qi accidentally shot me with an arrow."

"He shot you with an arrow?"

"_Accidentally_! I was brought into the palace and when I was conscious again, Huang Ah Ma was there. You have no idea what it's like, to have someone look at you with such concern and affection for the first time, especially when in my entire life, I have never been able to depend on anyone's affection, on anyone's care, always just caring for myself. And here he was, the most powerful man in the country who, even if I was his own daughter, he could dismiss me outright and no one would be the wiser. But instead, he took care of me, fed me medicine and looked at me with such tenderness and love and I could never forget that, not even when he threw me in jail, when he just ordered my death less than four months ago, not even now when you've told me this."

"But all that was never directed at you, it was all for Zi Wei!"

"I used to tell myself that too, but even after he knew I wasn't his daughter, even after Zi Wei was there, he still loved me, he still took care of me, and even when he scold me, it was because he truly thought of me like his own daughter. I have never had that kind of care, and I won't give it up."

"He is the reason you've never had that kind of love from a family!"

"Maybe you think so, and maybe it is so, but it's happened so long ago. If either of us take revenge, what would have changed? Our parents would still be dead and I would have lost another father, the only one I've ever known. He is the only person I've ever given love for a father to, so for me to want to kill him, wouldn't it be like wanting to kill my own father anyway?"

"So you would let it be?" he asked, looking like he very much wanted to protest against this. "How could you at least not be angry?"

"I was...well maybe more like upset, but Yong Qi explained." Xiao Jian scoffed but Xiao Yan Zi went on, not letting him interrupt. "It was the law and can you honestly say that our father didn't break the law? But what does it matter now? It's been nearly twenty years. And if revenge was supposedly so important, why didn't you tell me all this before? Or, you had a chance to be near Huang Ah Ma when you came in the palace, why didn't you do anything?"

"The reason why I didn't do anything then isn't relevant anymore."

"_Why_?"

"Back then, I was touched not only by your affection for him and but also the affection of all four of you. You obviously were deceiving him but you still all treated him with such sincerity. You were willing to do everything to help Han Xiang and Meng Dan, but that didn't make you blind to other people's feelings as well. It's a sincerity that I value, it's the reason I have so many friends all over the country. It was enough to make me pause."

"If that reason was enough then, why isn't it enough now?"

"Before he hadn't ordered your death!"

"Didn't you hear what Yong Qi said? He never meant to kill us. There was always someone waiting at the execution ground to save us."

"But you didn't know that, did you? All you knew was that he wanted you dead! And how could he have tempted such a thing, even it was only a threat?"

"He was angry and we weren't exactly innocent either."

Xiao Jian turned and looked at her in amazement.

"You're not supposed to be this reasonable about this, you know," he said after a long while. There was something a little accusatory in his tone. "That was why I hesitated telling you from the beginning, I knew you wouldn't take it well."

"And that is the reason you tell me now, isn't it?" she said with a slight smile. "Because you think I would be unreasonable and it would be enough to push me away from Yong Qi. That was your true purpose, not anything else."

To Xiao Jian's credit, he had the grace to look a little ashamed.

"I think you would have succeeded," she said slowly, thoughtfully, "if we had been together all this time. I see now that I can have extraordinary talent of taking him for granted when he's just here. But being away from him all this time had taught me what a wreck I am without him. I shouldn't need this separation to know that, actually. I should have learnt that lesson the first time."

"What do you mean?"

"I ran away from him once, and ended up deeply regretting it. But that's not relevant now."

"I suppose what is relevant is that you would still have him, despite all this."

"Yes, so if you really do care about me, if you really do want me as a sister, I would appreciate it if you would actually try to like him."

"And what about him? I suppose he despises me now."

"No, he doesn't. He is probably disappointed, but I think he would appreciate the effort from you too. And, Brother - " She could see Xiao Jian's startled but unmistakably touched expression upon hearing her address him as such, something she'd never done before - "we have already made the decision to not go back the palace, he is already giving up enough for me, and I don't want to be apart from either of you, so it really would make things a lot better if you could get along."

If she was being honest, before all this was known to her, she did believe that his affection for her was of a totally different nature and she had kept her distance from him, not wanting to feel like somehow she was betraying Yong Qi when he wasn't even there. Now in the light of the truth, that decision seemed rather foolish and she rather regretted it, though perhaps not the reason for it. She simply regretted that perhaps they could have both known each other and understood each other better.

The difference between them was that no matter what he said, he still grew up in a family, with people who loved him and never wanted for affection. Perhaps to him, to have people who loved you was a natural thing, but to her, they were precious treasures that she could never give up, no matter what great catch hid behind them. That didn't mean that she could think of Huang Ah Ma or her parents now without her heart being thrown into a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. It simply meant that no matter how strong the pain carved into her heart, there was the balm of knowing that Huang Ah Ma loved her once, and that Yong Qi and Zi Wei loved her for always and those truth couldn't be dismissed so totally.

* * *

Yong Qi should have seen it coming. He should have realised that when things started to look like they were going well, that must mean that he had forgotten something vital.

Of course, there was nothing really well about the shock that Xiao Jian gave them all that day, but in the half-month since then, and especially after Xiao Yan Zi and Xiao Jian had a long talk the day after, Xiao Jian had seemed slightly less hostile towards him. It would probably take them a long time to get back to the friendliness that they had before all this happened, and perhaps years before Xiao Jian would trust Yong Qi like he apparently did Er Kang. But this really only bore on Yong Qi's conscience because he knew it disturbed Xiao Yan Zi. Nothing else in the deterioration of their relationship was in his control. He couldn't make Xiao Jian like him, so for now, he would settle on a co-existence that at least had one mutual purpose - Xiao Yan Zi's happiness.

They had not chosen to tell Fu Lun the truth about Xiao Jian, simply that he was Xiao Yan Zi's brother. It was much too complicated to go into the details and they weren't even sure how Fu Lun would react to such a truth. It was only on the day when Fu Lun asked them to have a parting meal with him that Yong Qi realised that he had been too caught up in the issue with Xiao Jian to remember that Fu Lun would have sent an urgent report back to Huang Ah Ma the moment he left them that day. So he was surprised but also not surprised when Huang Ah Ma suddenly appeared.

His stomach twisted into knots when he heard his father's voice, and his eyes darted immediately to Xiao Yan Zi. Her entire body had stiffened, and it appeared that even though she did accept his insight on the circumstances around her family's death, meeting Huang Ah Ma like this, so soon after she knew the truth, was probably not a good idea.

Yong Qi reached out and took her hand, squeezing tightly. She turned to look at him while Huang Ah Ma was too distracted by Zi Wei's cold greeting. There were too many emotions in her eyes that he couldn't tell which one would take over when Huang Ah Ma would finally turn to her. He knew that in that moment, one of the most prevalent thought in her mind was that her parents were dead, and those deaths, in truth, were due partly - no matter how miniscule that part - to Huang Ah Ma. He only hoped that no matter how strong that thought was, her love would be stronger...

* * *

"Well, Xiao Yan Zi, Yong Qi, would you not even greet me?"

He was looking at her, talking to her, expecting her to answer, all the while with that soft, loving look in his eyes. He was addressing the two of them, but she knew he was really just talking to her.

She felt like all her nerves were on fire, and that she shouldn't be standing here, staring at him like an idiot. She should want to...what? Throw herself at his feet in a crying wreck and beg him to forgive her for deceiving him, for hating him, for, even now, wanting to leave and take Yong Qi away with her? Yes, she wanted to do that. Or should she give into the anger and rage that was threatening to bubble from deep inside of her heart and remember what she learnt just barely half a month ago and seek the revenge that she, and her parents with her, so deserved? Because, the truth was, she wanted to do that too.

She could feel Fu Lun, Er Kang, and even Zi Wei, in all her present pain and only slightly appeased by the Emperor's explanation, looking at her. The wariness and dread were positively radiating out of the latter two, making the whole room so dense with tension that she could probably cut it with a knife. Another glance at Yong Qi told her that he was trying to will her into calmness with his eyes alone.

She didn't know how she was supposed to greet him, what she was supposed to call him, or even if she should be saying anything at all. A part of her, the part that she couldn't resist that first time he fed her medicine, screamed at her, begging her to say the three words "Huang Ah Ma", but there was that other part, too, that was beating it back. She just looked at him, unable to think, let alone move or even speak.

But she didn't have to decide, beause Yong Qi had knelt down before the Emperor, and tugged her down with him, and she, in her confusion, let him.

"Huang Ah Ma," Yong Qi cried.

Xiao Yan Zi still remained silent, but looking up at him, confusion filling both her eyes and heart.

She could see his eyes fill with fresh pain.

"Still angry at me, Xiao Yan Zi?"

There was nothing in his voice of the anger that drove him to order her death (which apparently was never even his real intention at all). There was only love, pain and defeat, and Xiao Yan Zi had never felt so ashamed of driving him to such pain as now. She wasn't feeling ashamed because of what happened with Han Xiang now, she was ashamed because despite it all, he was here, and she longed to embrace his forgiveness and love, but couldn't bring herself to do it. She wanted so badly, for her sanity, for both his sake and Yong Qi's sake, to forget, but it was as if the story told to her recently had been carved into her mind, and forgetting didn't seem like an option for a long, long time.

So in the end, she hung her head and said nothing, though still kneeling before him. Beside her, she could feel Yong Qi swallow heavily and knew she had brought on him as well unfathomable amount of pain. The guilt threatened to consume her, but still she said nothing. She couldn't trust herself to speak, lest something horrible came out that she could never take back.

When it seemed to everyone present that Xiao Yan Zi wouldn't speak, Qian Long simply told them to all stand up in a gruff voice, as if his own emotions were threatening to take over as well. Xiao Yan Zi knew his eyes still lingered on her, for her explicable, uncharacteristic silence, and she could only keep her eyes downcast to avoid his gaze. As they sat down at the table, she could still feel Yong Qi's hand brushing against hers for a lingering moment in comfort.

Mostly Qian Long, Er Kang and Yong Qi spoke, as both Zi Wei and Xiao Yan Zi were too caught up in their emotions to say anything. The conversation, of course, revolved around their decision to not go back to the palace, after all of it. On some level, Xiao Yan Zi was glad that they made the decision before Xiao Jian dropped his secret and the secret wasn't _the _reason to stay, because it would have been a mess trying to explain while still hiding the truth.

Listening to Qian Long almost begging them to come home, Xiao Yan Zi couldn't help but for a moment push aside Xiao Jian, her parents and the truth to take in the man in front of her. Here was not a tyrant- who could order people's deaths and lay waste to a family, here was not a proud emperor who sought to control people's thoughts and ideals. Here was just a simple man who was a father who has lost his children and desperately wished them back. Even in all her pain, Xiao Yan Zi couldn't deny this.

So it was not any surprise when he came over to embrace both her and Zi Wei, that she broke down and the three words slipped out through tears before she could even think to censor them:

"_Huang Ah Ma_."

"How precious these words are," Qian Long murmured as he pulled Xiao Yan Zi and Zi Wei into his arm and they both could do little but cry on his shoulder.

Xiao Yan Zi had known, through Yong Qi and Zi Wei, that it was impossible to hate Huang Ah Ma, but now, she knew that it was just as hard to even reject him. No matter how much it may be a betrayal to her own parents, she couldn't even hold in the three simple words, couldn't deny who Huang Ah Ma truly was to her, the part he played in her life. He was not the enemy, he was simply a figure of her idolatry. That truth was in front of her right now, and couldn't be chased away by a past that she never knew she had.

The whole ordeal of the four of them trying to explain to Huang Ah Ma that despite all his pleas, they were not going back after all, was enough weight pressing on her heart anyway. She didn't think she could have the strength to allow the truth behind her family's death to weight on her in addition to that. She was already leaving, was already taking Yong Qi with her, she couldn't add the pain of rejection on a father-figure who had brought her to the people she loved most. If somehow Huang Ah Ma deserved to be punished for her loss of the childhood, the family she should have had, then wasn't the loss of Yong Qi enough? She didn't want to think of it as a trade because neither Yong Qi nor her parents deserved to be considered as such, but considering both the pain Xiao Yan Zi and Huang Ah Ma were suffering and would continue to suffer, the very idea of payback in any other way seemed rather absurd and pointless.


	6. but bears out even to the edge of doom

******No Good Deed Goes Unpunished **

**Chapter 6: …but bears it out even to the edge of doom**

"He came here? The Emperor came here?" Xiao Jian demanded when they finally left Fu Lun and Qian Long and returned to their friends.

Xiao Yan Zi was too emotionally drained from the entire afternoon to talk, and it meant that everyone else had the lovely task of recounting the tearful meal they all just went through. But even though she wasn't looking at him, mostly because she knew she would see disappointment, she could tell that Xiao Jian was staring at her. She wondered whether he really expected her to somehow attempt his so-called revenge. If he did, then he must think her stronger than she really was. She wasn't that strong. If she was that strong, she would never have succumbed to the temptation of Huang Ah Ma's fatherly love, never would have naively thought that she could just "borrow" Zi Wei's father for a few days. They would never have been in this mess in the first place. If she was that strong, she would have understood from the first that loving Yong Qi would only open door to heartache and sacrifices that would tear at her heart to make. If she was that strong, she would have been able to resist him and never would have been swept into loving him too much before she could even stop herself.

She understood how Xiao Jian, who had held this hate against his heart for years, found it difficult to let go. But to her, she realised now that the hate was as abstract a concept as the idea of a family – a _real family_ that was truly hers. The idea was like thin wisps of smoke that she could see but not quite grasp. A lifetime of thinking herself invincible had only been a shield. There was no longer room for blind, childish tempers. Never had she understood her own heart and what it begged for as now. She had spent enough of her life in loneliness, she only wanted now for people to love, to depend on, and there was no room for revenge in that. Revenge would only tear her away from Zi Wei and Yong Qi, and she desperately needed them, like she needed her every breath. Perhaps forgetting wasn't an option, but forgiveness was, and she wanted it desperately. She only wished that she could be sure that Xiao Jian would not look at her like she had betrayed him if she ever proposed the idea to him.

"You all would not go back, even though he's here?" Xiao Jian asked, looking highly sceptical.

"Yes," Yong Qi answered him. "The four of us all made the decision to not go back before Huang Ah Ma came here and before any secrets you revealed, so either thing never had any bearing on that decision in the first place, so I don't see why it's a surprise that we would still continue with the original plan to go to Dali now."

Xiao Jian stared at Yong Qi for a long while, conflict filled in his eyes. Xiao Yan Zi could tell that he was trying to reconcile his long-held-up assumptions of Yong Qi as a person and who Yong Qi really was. She really hoped that Xiao Jian could find it in himself to get over the conflict soon, as the truth was, nothing else convinced her of Yong Qi's love and goodness as this entire secret and the fact that he was still here after it all.

"You can't say that you were not moved by the fact that he came all the way here to bring you all back to Beijing," Xiao Jian said.

"We can't," Zi Wei said softly, "but being moved is just one thing. The truth is, it is an extraordinary thing for Huang Ah Ma to come here and lay down all his pride to ask us to come home. For us to still leave now is truly quite cruel and I would be lying if I said I didn't feel guilty, but Yong Qi is right, the reason is so much more than just this truth about your family, Xiao Jian, it's also about…"

"…there's too many dangers for us in the palace," Er Kang continued when Zi Wei trailed off, not sure how to adequantely explain the situation. "With our temperaments, we're probably not suited for the palace in the first place anyway. So it is best that we should just carry on with our intended plan."

For a moment, they all remained silent, as there was nothing else to say on the matter. Then, Zi Wei smiled and took Jin Suo's hand, pulling her towards Liu Qing.

"Liu Qing, I know you haven't asked me yet, but I won't force you to. From this day, I entrust Jin Suo to you, please take care of her for me. Jin Suo, your future is no longer with me now. Just ask Liu Qing where he wishes to go, and that will be your home."

This managed to lighten the mood in the room. Both Liu Qing and Jin Suo blushed deeply, while everyone, even Xiao Jian, tried to hold back laughter. Yong Qi, on the other hand, stared from one to the other and exclaimed, "Clearly I missed a lot! When did _that_ happen?"

Jin Suo's blush deepened and Liu Qing gave a nervous chuckle. "I say, we should just all go to Dali then we wouldn't have to be separated from each other."

"But we can't abandon Beijing totally, either," Liu Hong said. "The plan was only to escort everyone to Dali and then we would come back. We have too many people at Da Zha Yuan to worry about in Beijing, we can't leave them all."

"Liu Qing, Liu Hong, I have spoken to my father and he said that Hui Bin Lou could be given back to you when you choose to return to Beijing," Er Kang said.

"Really?" Liu Qing exclaimed. "We can have Hui Bin Lou back?" Then, turning to Jin Suo, he said, "then in that case, Jin Suo, you have to follow me back to Beijing to become Hui Bin Lou's mistress."

"What mistress?" Jin Suo asked, pouting. "You haven't even asked me yet, I still haven't even decided whether to marry you or not."

"What?" Liu Qing exclaimed in horror while everyone else laughed.

It took some prodding and teasing from everyone else, but in the end, Liu Qing did manage to ask Jin Suo to marry him, in a decidedly blunt but nonetheless heartfelt manner.

"We should get the two of you married before we leave for Dali," Zi Wei said.

"You don't really have to rush back to Beijing either," Er Kang said. "My father made sure everyone at Da Zha Yuan was taken care of while we were away and from what I hear, before they came to find us, Yong Qi made sure everyone should be fine for at least a couple of _years _even without help from you. I should say if you just make it back within a year then you should still have some money to take care of the repairs that would be needed at Hui Bin Lou."

"Thank you," Liu Qing said to Yong Qi sincerely, while Xiao Yan Zi smiled and squeezed his hand.

"It was the least I could do, considering I wasn't able to do anything but sit around for months. Besides, considering I'm not going back, that money was put to better use there rather than sitting around in a fund waiting to pay for the frivolous needs of my family anyway."

* * *

"You would still leave now?" Xiao Jian asked.

Xiao Yan Zi sighed. "I thought we've been over this already."

"Yes, but that was before _he_ showed up."

"What do you want me to say? That I am tempted to go back, despite of everything? That a part of me does scream for me to forget everything and follow Huang Ah Ma back to Beijing? That all that I'm doing now is trying to convince myself that leaving is really for the best?"

"Are you? Tempted?"

"Yes!" she exclaimed forcefully. "So what? The decision is made, Xiao Jian, and I'm trying to not second guess it. I would appreciate it if you would let me. You want me with you, then don't dangle the alternative in front of me like a carrot. I'm not a horse!"

* * *

Two days later, they held a small wedding for Jin Suo and Liu Qing. The evening after that, they received a most unexpected visitor.

"Er Kang, Zi Wei, Yong Qi, Xiao Yan Zi, Lao Ye came to see you," Fu Lun announced as he led the way into the room.

Xiao Yan Zi felt like her heart had leapt into her throat at the sudden sound of his voice. She had never really considered what it would be like to have Huang Ah Ma and Xiao Jian in the same room together, to put the idea of her two families, two fathers, side by side. Yes, she had been determined to forgive Huang Ah Ma, but she wasn't sure she was quite ready for this test of her forgiveness so soon. She wasn't quite sure whether the fierce beating of her heart was nervousness and fear for what she would do, or what Xiao Jian would do.

For a split moment, everyone, except Qian Long and Fu Lun, turned their eyes towards Xiao Jian warily. He seemed more tense than just a moment before but Xiao Yan Zi wondered whether that was due to the looks or due to Qian Long's presence. She wondered what was going through his head now, and what temptation he was facing. But if truth be told, right then, she wasn't as much afraid of Xiao Jian's demons as her own. She wasn't quite sure, if he actually did anything, how she would be pushed to act. She didn't think Xiao Jian would do anything, nor that he could do anything, not with Yong Qi, Er Kang, Zi Wei and Fu Lun all in the room, but didn't trust herself to do what they would, should her brother raise his sword, either. They didn't need to, now of all time, to know just how weak her resolve was either way.

Xiao Yan Zi couldn't help a little sigh of relief as Zi Wei hastily stepped into Xiao Jian's path and clumsily tugged Qian Long towards a chair as far away from Xiao Jian as possible.

"Huang Ah Ma, please sit down here."

Xiao Jian didn't show any sign of knowing that this was done mostly because of him, and thankfully Qian Long and Fu Lun's faces showed that they didn't notice anything off regarding Xiao Jian either. But even then, Zi Wei was standing close to Qian Long's chair, Xiao Yan Zi shifted her weight nervously from one foot to another and Yong Qi and Er Kang exchanged cautious looks.

"Huang Ah Ma, why did you come here tonight?" Yong Qi asked.

"Well, seeing as you all are determined to leave, I will have to return to Beijing soon as well. I have come to say goodbye. Fu Lun and I will leave tomorrow."

Xiao Yan Zi couldn't help the sudden pang of pain and regret that filled her. She knew, of course, that they would eventually have to part, but she didn't think it would be like this. When she left him last time, it was because she had to, and it was in pain and anger from both sides. Sorrow couldn't shoulder its way in between those two much stronger emotions. But now, her heart felt like it was ready to rip in two and she found herself numb, suddenly questioning everything about the decision to leave. She was hardly listening to how Huang Ah Ma was talking about how he heard that her family was originally from Hangzhou and how beautiful it was. Perhaps it was, but Xiao Yan Zi wasn't sure she would see the beauty when she arrive in Hangzhou, as Xiao Jian had expressed a wish of taking her there, now that they could afford to move more leisurely, even though it was quite out of their way to Dali. She only wondered, considering how much her emotions towards Huang Ah Ma had changed these few days, how it would change again when she came to Hangzhou, a place that should be her home, a place that Huang Ah Ma loved so, but for her held only a sense of trepidation.

She wasn't sure what she said in reply, or whether she said anything at all, but whatever it was, she couldn't have given anything away, because Huang Ah Ma now was turning to Liu Qing and Liu Hong to talk about Hui Bin Lou, giving her a moment to breathe. It was lucky that she was given that moment to collect hersel, because immediately after, Huang Ah Ma turned back to ask her about her brother.

They gave Xiao Jian cautious looks again, and Xiao Yan Zi thought the whole room would hear her heart beats, considering how loudly it was thumping in her chest, but she knew it would be even worst to not introduce Xiao Jian to Huang Ah Ma. It would definitely show that something was not right. So she came up to him and gripped his arm tightly, trying to tell him not to do anything rash, and took him to Huang Ah Ma. She only hoped that Er Kang and Yong Qi were ready should anything happen.

Huang Ah Ma asked Xiao Jian about how their family came to be separated, and Xiao Yan Zi didn't think there could be a worst topic to start with, but thankfully, Xiao Jian managed to not say anything discriminating. The only sign of his emotions was a slight tremble in his voice at the beginning. But still, Xiao Yan Zi was immensely thankful when they moved to another subjecct of conversation. She wasn't quite sure whether it was for her sake, or for the knowledge that he would have to fight Er Kang and Yong Qi if he did anything that prevented Xiao Jian from acting.

Even though her emotions were going through twists and turns that night, she still couldn't be more shocked and amazed when, before he left, Huang Ah Ma presented her and Zi Wei each with a Jin Pai Ling Jian. Before the truth about her family, she would probably be wonderfully giddy over the prospect of having a talisman against even his commands of death. Now that she knew how very real the death sentences could be, she couldn't be anything but shocked at the idea with this, she would _not _die, no matter what sort of crime she committed. Of course, it wasn't as if that meant that she would seek revenge for her parents now, or that she would just let Xiao Jian do so because she now could save him too. However, it suddenly occurred to her that ever since knowing who her family was, she had always wondered whether if Huang Ah Ma knew who she was, whether he would want her dead again. And the gift of this Jin Pai showed that he _didn't _want her dead, unconditionally and irrevocably. It was more than even Yong Qi and Er Kang had claim to (though, granted, Yong Qi wouldn't exactly ever need it). The whole crashing realisation made her rather speechless.

Her conspicuous silence apparently puzzled Huang Ah Ma, though Zi Wei tried to fill it with her own gratitude. But before he could comment on it, Yong Qi said to her, "You know, Xiao Yan Zi, Lao Ye has bestowed on you a very great and rare honour." His words were simple enough, but she knew he was urging her to say something, before Huang Ah Ma really suspected something.

She turned to Huang Ah Ma, but instead thanking him properly, she said, pouting, "Huang – I mean, Lao Ye, why couldn't you have given me this before all this happened? Then we wouldn't have to run away, and Yong Qi and I wouldn't have to be apart all this time."

But the Emperor only smiled indulgently as he understood the spark in her eyes as true thankfulness.

The conversation soon turned to other matters and Xiao Yan Zi could feel Xiao Jian's eyes on her, but she dared not look at him just yet. She wasn't sure what she would see there, after such an extraordinary statement from Qian Long. She wasn't sure she could deal with whatever he might be feeling right now with Qian Long still in the room.

Still, she was glad that Huang Ah Ma was here, that he had come to make such a statement, that at least, after everything, they would not leave each other without goodbye. It showed, at least, that as unhappy as he was with the decision, he had somehow come to accept, and perhaps even understand, it, and that she was taking away his most beloved son with some measure of his blessing. Yet at the same time, this resigned acceptance rested even more heavily on her heart, and a part of her wondered whether she wanted him to be more forceful in insisting they returned. It would have made her feel less guilty.

The evening had to draw to a close, however, and eventually he did stand up to leave. Xiao Yan Zi could not help the way her throat constricted against suppressed cries or how her heart burned with unbidden longings. Leaving in anger, in fear of her life was all well and good, but leaving like this…

She looked at him walking out the door, and suddenly saw why he was here at all. He was here because before she had so longed for a father's love that she could convince herself to borrow Zi Wei's father. He was here because even knowing that he was never her father, she wanted his love anyway and even after returning Zi Wei's proper place to her, she still could not leave him. She had once told Yong Qi that the person she could not bear to leave most was him, but it must be admitted that Huang Ah Ma took a close second hold on her, and even now, despite whatever truth she knew, that hadn't changed at all.

So even if Zi Wei had not cried out first, Xiao Yan Zi knew she would have done so herself, because she couldn't bear to lose the only father she'd ever known.

She was almost angry at Er Kang when he said, "Zi Wei" in a tone that urged her to remember why they were not coming back to Beijing in the first place.

Zi Wei turned to her and spoke through tears, "Xiao Yan Zi, I'm sorry, I know Dali is very beautiful, and that you want us to be together, but I've spent nearly twenty years finding my father, I cannot – "

But before she knew what she was doing, Xiao Yan Zi didn't let Zi Wei finish and just rushed to Qian Long's side. "Huang Ah Ma, Zi Wei wants to go home with you, I also want to go home with you."

She knew, from the bottom of her heart, as she said this, that she wasn't saying it for Zi Wei, nor for Yong Qi, but for herself. If she allowed herself time to think about it, her heart and reason would fight a stalemate with herself until she hardly knew what to do, but at that moment, reason had no place, and only her heart reigned, and it was braver without time and reason to hold it back. As he turned and drew them both into an embrace, she knew it was a decision she couldn't come to regret.

It was a long time before he let them go, looking at them with tears in his eyes. "You really wish to come back, both of you?"

"Yes, we want to come home with you."

"Yong Qi, and you?"

"Huang Ah Ma, even Xiao Yan Zi wants to come back, let alone me…"

It was only then that they turned to Er Kang and Xiao Yan Zi immediately saw Xiao Jian beside him. It was obvious that they had gone out the back and had only just come back. The carefully blank look on Xiao Jian's face was all that Xiao Yan Zi needed to know about the situation. But she couldn't say anything just yet, not with Huang Ah Ma still here. He eventually did leave, however, brimming with pleasure that they would all start the journey back to Beijing in a few days.

Immediately as Qian Long and Fu Lun were out of sight, Xiao Jian stormed out of the room.

"Xiao Jian," she called, running after him, "I know you are angry."

"Angry, yes!" he said, turning around to face her. "And disappointed too."

"I don't expect you to understand."

"I'm glad, because I certainly don't understand!"

By now, they have arrived in his room and he was throwing together his things as if to leave. Everyone else seemed to have wandered off, somehow knowing that they needed to work this out between themselves.

"You don't understand because you've never lacked for a family! But just as Zi Wei had spent twenty years to get to her father's side, I've spent that long not knowing what it was like to have a father! I won't give that up, Brother!"

"So you would give me up, instead!" he snapped, straightening to stare at her. "I should have known, for you have never shown that you prefered me over any of them."

Xiao Yan Zi blinked and spluttered, "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Before Yong Qi showed up, you pined over him, though I would never have thought you to be the type of get so hung up over a man, and when he did show up, you act as if the last four months didn't happen and would take him back in a heartbeat. And now, despite knowing who you are, who he and his father is to you, you would still go back with them! And thoughts, the consideration, the reason was always them. When did you ever think of what I must feel watching you so dependent on them? Where was your thought and consideration for me? Did you ever think to consider me with the same amount of feeling and care? No, you have always kept your distance, always, and now, your coming back to Beijing would only stretch it."

For a moment, she didn't know how to respond. Part of what he said was just and yet still there were parts that were unreasonable. "If I have kept a distance before, it's because you misled me," she said finally. "You let me think that you were in love with me, you didn't tell me that your concern was entirely platonic. What did you want me to do, throw myself at you? Forget about Yong Qi? My pining, as you put it, for Yong Qi and my treatment of you have completely different reasons, but you are determined to think of them being cause and effect."

"But now you know who I am to you, and yet you don't accept me!"

"When did I ever say that? I do, I do accept you, and I would love more than anything for you to return to Beijing with me, and then we could still be together."

"I cannot return to Beijing, Xiao Yan Zi, if you do, you will go without me."

Xiao Yan Zi turned away. "So you would place a condition on me. You would only be my brother only if I forsake everyone dear to me."

"Not everyone, just - "

"Just Huang Ah Ma, who is as important to me as any of them!"

"Then you place a condition on me too, Xiao Yan Zi – "

"No, I'm not! I'm asking you to accept me as I am, with everyone that has taken a part of making me who I am!"

She turned around when he didn't given an answer, and saw that he was standing there, looking at her, his eyes conflicted.

"I'm not asking you to forget everything over night," she said. "I'm just asking you to try to accept. It all happened so long ago. What use is it to hold onto to it? If you leave now, everyone would be upset, not just me. But if it would persuade you, I can't bear it if you would walk away from me now. You can't tell me that I can only have you or Huang Ah Ma, because I am selfish enough to want both. Please don't make me choose."

She didn't realise she was crying until her eyes blurred and tears spilled. When, for a moment, it didn't seem like he would say anything in reply, whether in comfort or otherwise, she stomped her foot and started to run out of the room. But she had barely gone three steps before he held her back.

"All right," he said, his voice sounding defeated. "I give up. I'll go to Beijing with you."

"You would?"

"Yes."

He was obviously not willing, but she knew from the sad look in his eyes that he was, at least, willing to try, for her sake. It gave her hope.

"Will you try to see Huang Ah Ma in a different light?"

"I'll try. But I can't promise I'll succeed."

"I think it'll be hard for you to not succeed in something you put your mind to."

* * *

"We are still going back?" Yong Qi asked.

"Of course. I'm not _that_ changeable. Besides, we can't disappoint Huang Ah Ma again."

"So he's accepted?"

"I can't say he wasn't reluctant, but yes, he'll come back with us." Then she took his hands and said earnestly, "You will try to…cut him some slack, won't you?"

Yong Qi smiled wryly. "Don't worry, Xiao Yan Zi. I won't hold anything against him. I know he means much to you, even if he's being difficult. I suppose in a way he is only trying to protect you and I can sympathise with that."

"Sometimes I don't know if it is his wish to protect me or to dictate me to do his will."

"I think…" He trailed off and didn't finish.

"What?" she pressed.

"I think he's trying too hard to be a good brother to you but has no idea how to go about it, so he does what he thinks is best, which is overprotecting you and forget that you are not a child and that you are capable of protecting yourself."

"I suppose. Though you give him more credit than he deserves considering how he treats you."

Yong Qi chuckled. "It warms my heart that you would feel the need to defend against him, Xiao Yan Zi. Bu I think that with time, we'll be all right. We weren't getting along too badly before we left Beijing."

She didn't answer for a while and he simply let the silence stretch on.

"I realise that maybe I've been very selfish with you before," she said finally.

He looked puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"To make you choose between me and Huang Ah Ma. I know I probably won't ever have to choose between you and my brother because you'd always make the choice for me, but that was choosing between Huang Ah Ma and him."

"Do you regret it?"

"No, I don't think I could, even if Xiao Jian couldn't accept it. I still don't think he quite understands it, to be honest, but I hope he will, eventually. I hope."

"He's a good man at heart. Just give him time, he will understand. You'll see."

* * *

They did go back to Beijing, and when Xiao Yan Zi and Yong Qi's wedding date was announced, if Xiao Jian still had a problem with the idea of the two of them, he only expressed it to himself in private. Yong Qi, on the other hand, endeavoured to spend more time with Xiao Jian, for he would not wish for Xiao Jian to doubt anything about him and Xiao Yan Zi before they married. Xiao Jian, therefore, came to grudgingly admit that Yong Qi loved Xiao Yan Zi more than he supposed, and that he would be a good husband to his sister. The truth about Xiao Yan Zi and Xiao Jian's family was never revealed to Qian Long, and the Emperor continued in peaceful oblivion of Xiao Yan Zi's origins, and everyone preferred to keep it that way. Xiao Jian eventually learnt to let go of his hatred and desire for revenge against the Emperor, but how much of that effort was for the love of Qing Er, who he met at his sister's wedding, is up to the reader's speculations.

**THE END**

* * *

A/N: This chapter is a lot later than I expected, mainly because work happened. This entire week I didn't leave work before 8pm. But it's done J. (And in case you ask, I did intend for this ending from the beginning. There was not ever a question of them actually not coming back. The point of this fic wasn't to change the ending, but to give Xiao Yan Zi a chance for some emotional growth and to avoid the mess that would result in keeping the truth a secret from her.)


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